With so many servicemembers deploying often or for long periods of time, many couples will plan some, if not, all of their wedding thousands of miles apart.
The distance doesn’t mean the wedding will be anything less than magical, it just means that it may be a little more challenging to bring to fruition. As military spouses we are always up for a good challenge! From personal experience with planning our wedding while my husband was deployed, I have some advice for those currently experiencing this challenge and those who may experience it in the future. Deep breaths, it’s not as daunting as it sounds—you can make it quite the opposite if you keep these tips in mind.
Determine What Responsibilities You Each Have
No, you don’t have to plan your wedding by yourself since your fiancé is deployed. Yes, you do need to divide the roles you each want to play in the planning process. By doing this, you will determine who is essentially responsible for which details of the wedding.
Maybe, you as the bride wants to be in charge of deciding the color palette of the wedding, choosing the table linens, and picking the perfect bouquets and boutonnieres for your bridal party.
Your fiancé, on the other hand, can be in charge of researching gifts for his groomsmen, choosing what beers to have on tap during cocktail hour, and organizing a wedding playlist for the reception.
Together, you can both come to an agreement on what food to serve at the reception, what moves you want to show off during your first dance, and how you plan to do your big exit at the end of the night.
Dividing the list of to-dos is the first step in planning a wedding while your partner is deployed, and once it’s done, you will be able to let out a sigh of relief!
Stay in Communication Over Planning
This will, without a doubt, be the most trying. When you and your fiancé are living on opposite sides of the world, functioning on two different schedules—he goes to sleep when you wake up—it is anything but easy to keep the communication part of your relationship alive.
There may be some days when you get to talk to each other on the phone, but only for a handful of minutes and the last thing you want to waste time talking about is wedding planning. The best thing to do is to reserve your wedding planning talks for once a week.
Have an ongoing list at all times ready to go for when you have your weekly discussions about the wedding, so you can save yourself and your fiancé time by getting right down to business. If a tough decision comes up—you agreed on a venue and you really want to get married on a Saturday, but it’s $500 more than on a Sunday—be realistic and let the other person talk and express their opinion fully.
Planning a wedding is the first big step toward becoming a married couple. After you say “I do”, you will have to make even bigger decisions that will make you look back on wedding planning and wish you would have relaxed a little more and just had fun with it!
It’s OK to Make a Decision Solo
If you are someone who finds making decisions on your own easy, then this will be a breeze for you! There will be times during your fiancé’s deployment that you will go days, if not a week, without talking due to a number of reasons. It’s during these circumstances that you will have to make decisions on your own because, let’s face it, planning a wedding is all about being timely and scheduling well in advance, so you can get the exact venue or caterer that you desire. This is why it’s best to talk with your fiancé before he deploys and agree that there will be some wedding decisions you will have to make sans him and you both will have to be ok with that.
Most men will be thrilled to make this agreement with their fiancée. Be sure to bring it up sooner than later and possibly save yourself some time fretting over it when you could be rejoicing.
You will have some ups and downs while planning your wedding, but that is normal for all weddings. Don’t let those downs keep you down for long! It’s important to continue to love and support each other throughout the wedding planning process while your partner is deployed. In the end, all that really matters is that you two will soon be husband and wife, and the flavor of cake you decide on is just one very small detail that goes into the day that will join you both as one.