We woke up to the three letter word that changes everything in our community. War. Breaking News begins the cycle of drone strike impacts, chaos in the Middle East and interviews reflecting on the current state of the action as everything unfolds. With little time to process I grabbed my phone, turn down the noise and started reaching out to some of my military spouse friends. The message was simple.
“Morning! Just checking in on you. So much going on in the world I had to check in on my people.” Sent with gif of a virtual hug loading.
These weren’t usual messages. Some people I hadn’t spoken to in several months to years. Still, when our troops get called into action you start thinking about people you’ve laughed with, grabbed coffee with or helped you get settled in form past assignments. They aren’t your usual text thread and they maybe didn’t get a Christmas card, but they are who you think of when news headlines tell you to brace for potential losses.
That is the beauty of our community. When we are together we become the family we need for one another in real time. We plan outings, playdates and share meals together. Orders come, and see you laters are mustered without trying to be overly sad. We get to our new locations and although we mean well, some we’ll keep in touch with periodically and others turn into great memories of people we got to enjoy life with for a season. You know that if you could get stationed together again you could pick up where you left off, but the time in between that chance reconnection moves by swiftly. Reaching out now feels… awkward.
If you felt inclined to reach out and talked yourself out of it, I’m here to ask you to reconsider. It’s true. A lot of time has past. You and that person may not be besties anymore. Maybe you can’t even remember the last time you spoke. All valid. The reality is none of that matters. You should reach out anyway and here’s why:
- We aren’t ment to do like alone. Regardless of how self sufficient we try to be, we need one another. Your presence in the lives of others is impactful and meaningful. An unexpected call or text may be the reminder someone needs to confirm that they aren’t alone.
- Tomorrow isn’t promised. Forgive the morbid sentiment, but this sobering reality is true. It’s easy to live as if we can put off for tomorrow the things we can do today, but can we really afford to? Present circumstances aside, every day is a gift. We should celebrate it through connection, kindness and shared reels that say what we may struggle to put into words.
- You didn’t think of them by accident. If there is one thing I know, it’s that life has been lifing for us all. Although distance keeps us out of proximity, our intuition typically is spot on when it comes to checking in on people. As a recipient of a random voice memo from a spouse I’ve only known online or a “proof of life” text from another; the timing couldn’t have been more special. Be that light for someone else if you are feeling that nudge.
In the Air Force, we call this being a Wingman. It’s derived from a flying norm of having a second pilot aircraft that provides support, coverage and protection in dangerous situations. I love the scenes in movies where it looks like the person is alone and is about to get captured or shot down and out of nowhere their Wingmen come in to defeat the enemy or strikes to give them a way to escape. I know a “Just checking in.” text may not feel like the heroic save of a blockbuster moment, but it might be. It could lead to an opportunity to sit with someone who needed an ear to vent, a quick laugh to lighten the mood or shared pictures of how much the family has changed from then to now. Others may not respond at all. My hope is that you push past your discomfort to give someone the possibility of feeling thought of.
Take a moment and think to yourself. Who is one person you could reach out to today? Make the time to reach out. This small gesture may be exactly what the person needs today. Check in!