The first year we spent the holidays away from home, I remember sitting in the quiet of our base housing living room, staring at the little artificial tree we bought from the BX. The ornaments were mismatched, the lights were a little dim, and the smell of pine-scented candles did its best to fake the feeling of home.
My husband was halfway around the world, our closest family was a thousand miles away, and the “holiday cheer” I saw online only made the loneliness louder. That night, after I tucked our kids into bed, I poured a cup of cocoa and cried. Not because anything was wrong, but because everything felt different.
And that’s when my neighbor, Lisa, knocked on my door. She stood there holding a tray of cookies and said, “I wasn’t sure if you were celebrating alone, but I thought maybe we could share a few.”
We sat at my kitchen table for an hour—two women missing home, both doing our best to make this military life work. We laughed, swapped stories, and ended up planning a “Friendsgiving” for the next week.
That was fifteen years ago, and I’ve learned something every year since: home isn’t a place—it’s people who show up.
When Holidays Feel Hard
Being away from family during the holidays can stir up a mix of emotions—grief, frustration, even guilt. You might be stationed overseas, facing deployment, or just navigating another move. The holiday season tends to magnify every ache.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to face it alone. Military life has its share of challenges, but it also has built-in communities full of people who get it. The trick is learning to lean in.
Practical Ways to Cope and Connect
1. Make Traditions That Fit Your Season
Don’t pressure yourself to recreate what you’ve always done. If your spouse is deployed, start a new routine—watch a favorite movie, volunteer, or host a meal for other families in your shoes. You can still honor your old traditions, but give yourself permission to adapt.
2. Reach Out—Even When It Feels Awkward
I know how easy it is to isolate when you’re lonely. But connection starts small: a text to a friend, a knock on a neighbor’s door, or a message to someone in your spouse’s unit’s family group. Sometimes, you might be the one bringing someone else comfort, too.
3. Use the Support That Already Exists
Each installation has a Military & Family Readiness Center (MFRC), Chaplains Office, and Armed Services YMCA or USO branch that offers programs during the holidays—everything from free family dinners to toy drives, counseling, and workshops. Don’t let pride keep you from accepting help. Those programs exist because someone cares.
4. Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control duty schedules, canceled flights, or homesickness—but you can control your environment. Play the music, light the candles, send the cards, bake the cookies. Little acts of normalcy remind you that joy still fits here.
5. Practice Grace—With Yourself and Others
If this year doesn’t look like you imagined, that’s okay. Let it be different. Let it be simpler. Sometimes grace looks like accepting the messy, imperfect version of the holidays and calling it good enough.
Reflection: Making Peace With the Present
As I look back on that Christmas long ago—the one with the too-small tree and the neighbor who became family—I realize it wasn’t perfect. But it was sacred. It was a community in its rawest form: people showing up when it mattered most.
If you’re spending the holidays far from home this year, I hope you’ll remember this—joy doesn’t depend on geography. It grows wherever kindness is planted.
If this season feels heavy, reach out to your local installation’s Military & Family Readiness Center.
They offer:
- Holiday meal programs
- Support groups for spouses and families
- Community gatherings for those away from home
- Counseling and crisis support resources
Visit your base’s official website or stop by your Family Readiness office to learn what’s available this month.
And if you’re doing okay, check on someone who might not be. Sometimes the best gift we can give is the reminder: You’re not alone this year.
