Talk with your kids a LOT (if they’re old enough)
Obviously, this point won’t help if you have an infant or toddler. Kids that young can’t really grasp what is going on or why their world feels like it’s spinning out of control with one parent gone. I’ve definitely had struggles when my son was 18 months old and his daddy was gone so much. It is very hard to watch kids this young when they can tell something is “off” but can’t communicate how they’re feeling about it. However, as soon as your kids are old enough to start understanding about deployments, talk their ears off! I make it a point to be a bit of an over-sharer with my kids. I have no problem sharing as many details as my kids can handle – I might even give them too much sometimes.
As a result of me telling them everything they can handle, though, they become capable of handling more. We talk about their bad days, so I talk about mine too. I don’t sugar coat it. They know when I’m struggling. They know when their dad is having a tough time. They know when I feel like I’m screwing them up with my parenting strategies when my husband is gone. They know when I’m overwhelmed. Then know when I’ve had it. They know I’ll admit when I’ve made mistakes. They know that I’ll be here when they make mistakes. They know that it’s ok to be sad that their dad is gone, but it’s not okay to dwell on it. We talk and re-talk and then talk some more. As a result, I have kids who share with me too!
The one caution I would give is to keep OPSEC in mind. My husband has a job that I know practically nothing about, and it works better that way. We do the same thing with our kids. One example is that I don’t tell them when their dad is coming home until he’s already here or at least in states. I want to share with them, but I don’t want to put an unnecessary burden on them of worrying about what they can and can’t say to friends and family.
