9. Remember it’s Tough for the Service Member Too
During my husband’s deployments, I often find myself very frustrated with the situation we’re in and primarily focused on my struggles. I have to remind myself that he’s going through a lot too. He might not be here changing dirty diapers or cleaning up puke or dealing with school and social issues with kids. He might not be going through exactly what I am emotionally when I am surrounded by people but still feel so alone. But goodness knows he’s got his own stressors to deal with. He doesn’t have to deal with discipline issues of the kids, but he misses precious time watching them grow up. He might not have to clean the house for the 17th time today but he wasn’t here to make the memories that disheveled the house. Military spouses (myself included) complain a lot about how tough it is to be alone without our other half helping us with the home and family, but they’re missing so much time and the comforts of home. Keep that in mind when you’re vocalizing your struggles to your deployed spouse.
10. Have Guests
It might add a little more work on your part, but it’s usually worth it to have family or friends in town while your spouse is gone. When my husband is gone, we try to have visitors once a month so we have something to look forward to. Make sure you explain to any visitors that not everything will be the same around the house as it is when your spouse is home, but it would be nice to have another adult in the house for companionship (and maybe even help).
11. Give Yourself Grace
Don’t forget that this is an unbelievably tough thing for a couple to go through. Allow for weakness in yourself at times. You’re not a super hero. You’re not perfect. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you struggle and don’t become overwhelmed if you have a tough time. You’re allowed some leeway. There are enough other people in life who are hard on us. There are enough outside factors that make life difficult. Give yourself the grace for occasional failure and tell yourself it’s okay!
12. Plan for the Reunion
The best part of a deployment is your service member’s return home. You can make homecoming special! So, when it gets closer to the end, start planning what that reunion is going to be like. Discuss whether your spouse wants family and friends in town or at the airport when you pick them up. Talk about whether they would appreciate a big “Welcome Home” banner on the house or whether they would see it as work since they have to take it down eventually. Maybe a quiet evening, with a unique ‘welcome home’ gift is right for your spouse. Talk it through so you can make it as seamless as possible. Keep in mind that your spouse is probably going to be jet-lagged and exhausted by the time you pick them up, though, and accept that the sexy lingerie you purchased might be better for night two instead of the first day he’s home.
If you like this, check out the 12 Things Not To Do During a Deployment.
