As military families, we know all too well the helpless feeling of our inability to be with loved ones while they go through difficult times.
In my closest circle, we have experienced loss, miscarriage, health scares, mental health struggles, parenting hardships… your friend group is also likely to have gone through most, all, or even more of these nightmares as well. But when the military keeps us separated, how can we take care of our friends when they need us the most? How can we be there for them without being there with them?
Daily check ins. Daily check ins can be an anchor during a tumultuous time if your friend knows to expect a text from you every morning or evening. And these texts don’t need to be always heavy or serious — follow their lead for what they’re ready for. They may want to talk about anything other than what they’re going through, so be prepared to talk about the weather, favorite books, or ridiculous stories to get them laughing.
Flowers, plants, or trees. Whether it’s a bouquet, a cactus, or seeds for planting, something about greenery is uplifting. There is hope attached to a bloom, and a floral gift is always appreciated. When one friend lost a beloved dog, I sent a tree so she could plant it in her memory. Because we both appreciate wit and bad jokes, I likely sent it with some quip about barking up the wrong tree, knowing that the chuckle would ease the tears.
Care packages. My friends remember the sweetest and most random things I love. When I was struggling with a particularly difficult (and surprise) deployment during a worldwide pandemic, I got a care package that included thoughtful gifts for my girls as well as two pounds of Twizzlers. TWO POUNDS OF LICORICE. It not only made me feel loved, it made me laugh. So friends, take note of the random things your friends love, and when the time calls for it, gift them cavities.
Added note: sending care packages as they relate to the hardships show thoughtfulness. I suffer from migraine episodes frequently, so I have both given and received essential oils, heating pads, Liquid IV, and all the related things during bad episodes. If your care package includes items that help with physical hurts, your friend will be grateful for the relief that they bring.
Gift cards. Door Dash gift cards are a great way to nourish a friend from afar. One soul sister recently shared how a friend sent her a whole cheesecake, and I really think we should make this the normal way to show our love for each other.
If your friend is in the hospital, a gift card to the food court can be a huge blessing. When my husband and I stayed for weeks at Seattle Children’s for our infant’s open heart surgery, food was the least of our concerns. But when a friend from college sent a gift card to the cafeteria, it was an unexpected gift that I’ve never forgotten. Not only did she think through the logistics of staying at the hospital, she took the time and effort to call the hospital, find out the room we were in, and load up a gift card. Over a decade later, and I am still touched by her kindness. Cafeterias have gift cards, who knew?
Care for children/pets. This one may seem tricky because if you’re not nearby, how can you babysit children? But if you’re able to secure a trusted sitter and pre-pay to give the parents a moment to themselves, it will be a much-needed gift.
This also can apply for pet care. When our daughter was in the hospital, we didn’t have other children, but we did have our schnauzer, Mary Todd. Mary Todd went to the dog boarder for a couple of weeks, and when we picked her up, we were told the bill had been covered. The boarder had forgiven half of the payment, and dear friends had taken care of the rest of the bill. I will never forget their generosity during such a tumultuous time in our lives, nor will I forget how they had tried to remain anonymous. Their act of love was not done so they could gain glory, but to genuinely take care of us. Mary Todd can be ornery, but she’s been soft on these friends ever since.
Knowing your friends are going through hell far away from you is a difficult part of this military life. But having a few ideas at the ready to navigate the inevitable hardships can make it a little more manageable. Because even when you’re not there with your friends, you can be there for your friends.
