6. Listening comes before fixing.
Marrying young into the military actually gives us a valuable perspective.We have little to no advice to give. When issues arise that affect our partner or even our peers we need to understand that solving the problem is not the best strategy. Practicing empathy is the most priceless step in working toward a resolution.
When we seek to understand we allow the other party to walk into a sacred space of safety. When you and your spouse can abide in a safe atmosphere discussion becomes easier which often leads to a more in depth conversation and innovative problem solving TOGETHER.
7. Find a tribe and love them hard.
Stephanie Coontz suggests in her book, Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage, that too much togetherness can actually hinder a marriage. We need outlets, we need people. Finding friendships outside our partnerships can sustain our marriage. Friends provide us with outward perspective, and multi-dimensional sounding boards. We need all the support we can get.
That old saying, “strength in numbers,” is completely relevant. Finding friends within the military community is not always easy, especially when we are inexperienced in meeting new people, new to an area or especially shy, but it is absolutely essential. Friendships help us thrive in our partnerships as well as individually.
Show up.
Military marriage is unlike any other. Likewise young military marriage is ever challenging. You will be tired, beaten down and broken at times. Show up anyway. Realize that change is inevitable and will be a constant part of life. Realize that loving a service member means loving them when they come home tired, beaten down and broken. Show up for them. Be the constant in the camouflaged world of transition, chaos and unknown.
When you show up for your spouse, it triggers your spouse to want to show up for you. A supportive team that supports one another when the seas are calm AND during the storms provides us with an invaluable harbor, shield and place of peace.
Entering the military spouse world at a young age is not for everyone. You don’t need to look far to find personal accounts of destruction and woe, but this does not have to be the plot line for your story. Chin up my young friends, we are cheering for you. We were you. We made it and so can you if you and your partner are equally invested in making success your story line. It won’t be easy but then again nothing ever worthwhile was obtained with ease.
