I am asking a favor of everyone: Can we finally celebrate the average spouse?
Military spouses are special people. I know that and you know that but we forget the basic premise behind it all. We have said, “I do” to a person who has raised their hand and sworn an oath to defend the United States. But we are also just people.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dismissing those spouses who volunteer for everything or mastermind some new and innovate way to help others. But I’m also saying that there is a place for those who just get by and survive, those who are the B and C students.
I was an overachiever in school, but I didn’t stress about my grades. Heck, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as GPA and how it could affect my ability to get into college until my counselor told me my ranking my junior year. I always tried my best, but I also realized that my best might not equate to that A+. I wanted to do well for me, not for someone else.
As a military spouse, you know that sometimes just living is a challenge. We have a special set of circumstances that interfere with us going from day-to-day without worry. I know we are not alone in this. Police, firefighters, and EMT spouses have the same concerns. Our loved ones don’t just go to work, do their jobs, and come home. There are too many times when they are put in harm’s way and we accept that.
We are grateful for the times they are stateside and seemingly out of danger. These are the days we don’t just survive but thrive. Sure, I used to get angry when my spouse would work long hours or I would nag him when he was getting ready to go on another exercise. But this was due to my wanting him with me. I would’ve loved to have him available to help with the child rearing. But alas, that wasn’t to be. He was training and so duty called.
And then he would deploy. That’s when I’d look back and wish he was working long hours at the base. Now, in addition to him being gone, I had to worry about where he was and who was trying to hurt him. Back then, phone calls were sporadic and short and family was far away. It was me and the kids trying to live.
And I know I’m not alone. It felt like it but I knew better. There are many of us who simply try to get through the day. If our kids are fed, and we make it to work, we are a success. If our spouse comes home safely, it is a success.
But that’s not what gets recognized.
We only hear about the Key Spouse of the Year, or the Base Volunteer of the Year, or the Military Spouse of the Year.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to receive any one of those awards but that wasn’t in the cards. I applaud those men and women who put the time in to make their community a better place. We need more people like you: You forward causes, point out problems and find solutions. There is always a tinge of jealousy that comes through when someone I know has achieved that level of success.
But my success, and the success of many other spouses, doesn’t come in the form of a trophy or certificate. Our victory is found in the ability to survive another day. We cheer on our kids at their soccer games and bake cookies for the school fundraiser. We go to parent/teacher conferences and attend ballet recitals. These things we do by ourselves because we love a person who wears a uniform and they have a duty to this country to defend it elsewhere. We shouldn’t stress about what we didn’t do but rather what we DID accomplish.
So back to my original question: Can we celebrate averageness? I say “yes”. Especially when being it means being ordinary. And there is nothing wrong with that. Strive for your best, but when your best is surviving, do that well.
Back in the late 1990’s, Bud Light had a series of commercials called, “Real Men of Genius” where they would celebrate men in overlooked professions. They each started with, “Today we celebrate you, Mr. X” spoken by a straight-laced commentator followed by mocking vocals sung by the front man of the band, “Survivor.” I envision a new jingle to the unsung military spouse who just gets by. We salute you and all you do.
Maybe I should contact the Budweiser company and see if they would like to start the commercials again….
