The Things We Didn’t Expect
“Our spouses miss birthday parties, date night, children’s sporting events, putting their children to bed, anniversaries and family vacations due to “fires” in the office or soldiers behaving badly. It’s an act of holding my breath every time I schedule a family activity. “
“If my young children had meltdowns while at a function, I felt people were less forgiving. It might have been in my own mind, but I know I always felt pressure on me and my kids.”
“The message I would like to pass on is the commander’s spouse is just a person who wants to help. Sometimes our own personal struggles are a challenge for us and we can’t get involved as much as we’d like, so we hope that no judges us for that.”
“It’s a bit lonely some days, I don’t have a lot of peers. I wasn’t prepared for that. “
“When meeting new people I always dreaded the “What does your husband do?” question. I feared they would not see me as me, but as a commander’s wife and would treat me differently than they would have if they never knew who my husband was.”
“I felt that I was completely unprepared for the job as a command spouse. As I got my feet wet I just tried to be personable. I wanted the ladies to feel comfortable enough with me so I could help. Unfortunately I never felt that I accomplished it. I don’t know if it is because of my position or because I didn’t make them feel comfortable.”
“I no longer consider myself a Command Spouse, I am the spouse of a commander. I define my role in the military community and I decide what responsibilities I can take on depending on what resources I have to give.”
“Commissary shopping definitely changed….I felt I had more pressure to smile and acknowledge everyone.”
“Sometimes, I feel like I am the last to know but the one that could help the fastest.”
“I gave up my career to follow his and have no idea how to get it back, so I volunteer on behalf of military families and try to make positive difference. “
Command spouses are military spouses with a bird’s eye view. Most have been living this life for decades – and deeply love their commander husband or wife. They are experienced; understand the ways of the military and services offered. More importantly, they want to help. They are individuals, but with a common goal – taking care of the military family.
Every branch of service offers courses, advice and guidelines for command spouses. To get a glimpse of the materials recommended for reading, take peek of a few samples websites, books and pdf’s.
https://www.carlisle.army.mil/usawc/dclm/pdf/AY02SpouseGuideToGarrisonCmds2.pdf
https://www.carlisle.army.mil/usawc/mfp/docs/Commanders%20Spouse%20Book.pdf
https://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/au/smith.pdf
https://www.amazon.com/The-Air-Force-Wife-Handbook/dp/0962622818
https://www.nsfamilyline.org/site/command-spouse
