In August 2015, I lost one of my young cousins to murder. Her body was found dumped in a lake- many people were jumping to conclusions and were even bad mouthing her over social media. What they DIDN’T care to understand was the family’s emotional state when they were saying all those hurtful things.
My mind makes me wander back to our last interaction. I had yelled at her for attempting to disrespect our grandfather. My last words to her were, “Don’t you ever attempt to speak to an elder like that again, do you understand me?” And it was over practically nothing- my grandfather said her pants were too low on her hips and then she called him stupid. I can never take those words back and I can never tell her I am sorry, I just hope and pray she knew how much I really loved her.
In October, I lost another cousin, Jennifer. She was 33 years old and was killed in a vehicle collision. She was such a kind heart and had two beautiful little kids. Although we were not as close as we became adults, she was still someone I loved very much.
By this point I have not had a chance to process the previous deaths or cope with the loss, so this next one made me even more numb.
In November, I found out that my godfather, Doc, committed suicide. I had just spoken with him 2 weeks prior and we were laughing and giggling and I was raving about my children.
The worst part is I found out through social media.
I opened my account that morning and saw a post from his wife and stepson about his passing 4 days prior. This is probably one of the HARDEST ways to find out about the death of a loved one.
He had never let me know that he was dealing with depression. I wanted to pull my hair out. How could I lose another person I loved? Doc was retired Coast Guard and one of the few men I looked up to in my life.
Most of us do not see how someone has made a difference in our life until we sit back and really look at the relationship we have had with people that have come into the picture.
We get so numb to the death that is happening all around us, because the news makes it seem so common.
