6. Ask for Help
This is my very biggest downfall of deployments. It wasn’t until my husband’s 9th deployment and spinal surgery that I finally swallowed my pride and asked for help when I needed it. I now look back and wonder why I never admitted to needing help before. I made life so much harder on myself by insisting that I do everything myself without admitting I was struggling during previous deployments. People always offered to help and told me to “just ask” for anything. This is very tough because an offer to help that general is difficult to take someone up on. If you find, though, that you’re struggling and someone asks if there’s anything you need, ask for some help. If you have kids, tell a friend they could make you a dinner so you don’t have to cook one night. Find someone to watch the kids every once in a while so you can do grocery shopping alone or get a haircut. Ask for help with the yard work. Don’t insist on going it alone when you do have a network of friends who want to help!
7. Allow for Emotions
It’s possible to be strong while also having some struggles. You end up making it harder on yourself if you insist on bottling all your emotions up. Allow for the real emotions of sorrow, grief, frustration, and anger. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on the bad stuff too much, but don’t try to cover them up too much either. If you find yourself bottling it all up, there’s more of a chance you’ll blow your top over something insignificant. Be real, open, and honest emotionally instead.
8. Remember it’s Tough for the Service Member, Too
During my husband’s deployments, I often find myself very frustrated with the situation we’re in and primarily focused on my struggles. I have to remind myself that he’s going through a lot too. He might not be here changing dirty diapers or cleaning up puke or dealing with school and social issues with kids. He might not be going through exactly what I am emotionally when I am surrounded by people, but still feel so alone. But goodness knows he’s got his own stressors to deal with. He doesn’t have to deal with discipline issues of the kids, but he misses precious time watching them grow up. He might not have to clean the house for the 17th time today, but he wasn’t here to make the memories that disheveled the house. Military spouses (myself included) complain a lot about how tough it is to be alone without our other half helping us with the home and family, but they’re missing so much time and the comforts of home. Keep that in mind when you’re vocalizing your struggles to your deployed spouse.
9. Give Yourself Grace
Don’t forget that this is an unbelievably tough thing for a couple to go through. Allow for weakness in yourself at times. You’re not a superhero. You’re not perfect. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you struggle and don’t become overwhelmed if you have a tough time. You’re allowed some leeway. There are enough other people in life who are hard on us. There are enough outside factors that make life difficult. Give yourself the grace for occasional failure and tell yourself it’s okay!
10. Plan for the Reunion
The best part of the deployment is your service member’s return home. You can make homecoming special! So, when it gets closer to the end, start planning what that reunion is going to be like. Discuss whether your spouse wants family and friends in town or at the airport when you pick them up. Talk about whether they would appreciate a big “Welcome Home” banner on the house or whether they would see it as work since they have to take it down eventually. Maybe a quiet evening with a unique “welcome home” gift is right for your spouse. Talk it through so you can make it as seamless as possible. Keep in mind that your spouse is probably going to be jet-lagged and exhausted by the time your pick them up, though, and accept that the sexy lingerie you purchased might be better for night two instead of the first day he’s home.
Read More: 20 Ways to Stay Strong on the Homefront
