I am tired of doing everything by myself. No, not just the chores or having all the responsibilities of two parents. I am tired of sitting alone to watch a school performance, not having my husband beside me to also be proud of my daughter. I am tired of standing in a quiet kitchen, loading the dishwasher and not sharing simple details of our day. I am tired of watching our favorite shows alone. I am tired of driving alone. I am tired of lying in the bed alone.
I am tired of finding other adult human beings to talk to. Yes, I love and appreciate my friends. But I want to talk to HIM.
I am tired of doing things to take my mind off of him. I don’t want my mind off of him. HE is where my mind should be, right?
I am tired of wiping away the tears when I hear the question “When is Daddy coming home?” for the 5th time before bed.
I am tired of missing his touch, his smell, our intimate moments together.
I miss my husband. My friend, my companion, my partner in parenting… my lover.
I have hit THE WALL.
Who knows how long I will stay here this time. It’s always different. Sure, I always bounce back. We always make it.
But for now, I think I might just sit here. My back up against this wall, letting it hold me up for a bit. Because today, right now…perhaps this wall is the only thing keeping me from being a crumbled mess on the floor.
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