When my new husband and I arrived at our first duty station, I made some really dumb mistakes. I had no idea what it meant to be a part of the military so I went to the library and checked out a book. What Every Army Wife Should Know from 1966 was the only resource available. Not entirely helpful…
I did learn about taking care of my dress when I go to the commissary, watching his weight by not supplying dessert all the time, or when to wear a hat to a luncheon. The importance of calling cards was oh so helpful. Another one of my favorites: “Candles are not used on the table for a coffee.” (p. 133) Who knew?
Needless to say, I almost gave the ring back.
But none of this was beneficial once I stepped onto Offutt AFB. Even though I had retained all that info, I found it lacking. For example, we didn’t have a place to live, so we were checking out base housing. As we were driving around, I pointed out a place I really liked. “Can’t we get one of those houses?” I asked. Hubby looked at me incredulously. Apparently, I had admired the General’s houses. Who wouldn’t like them? They were grand, stately, brick, Federal houses.
My next faux pas came as I headed to the commissary for the first time. I made sure I was dressed so as not to embarrass my spouse (thanks to my new-found education). I parked the car within the lines and headed inside. As I strode with confidence, I was approached by an elderly gentleman.
“Excuse me, ma’am,” he said, “I don’t think you can park there.”
I was at a loss. He pointed up at the sign where I had parked. It said “General Officer.” I still didn’t understand. My husband is an officer. A general officer is any ole’ officer, right? Apparently, that’s not what the sign meant. I had no idea that there was a specific rank associated with the sign. These are the sorts of things they needed to write about in a book!
Guess what? It might not be in a book but there are ways for new spouses to learn about military life.
SCHOOL
Every branch of the service has their own newbie introduction classes. Think of them like your intro classes Freshman year of college. The Air Force has Heartlink. The Army calls it Army Family Team Building or AFTB. COMPASS is the title for the Navy’s course and the Marines offer L.I.N.K.S. which stands for Lifestyle, Insights, Networking, Knowledge and Skills. Most of the classes will go over the basics of military life. You’ll learn about acronyms, identifying ranks, learning how to read their pay stub, and more. The best part of all these offerings is the networking that happens before, during and after.
Even though I’m an old hat at this military life now, I still go to Heartlink classes when I can. I love interacting with younger spouses. Plus, I’m given free rein to say what I think. Not that it has ever stopped me before….
ONLINE
Another way to navigate this life is by joining THE spouse mentoring gurus at Military Spouse Advocacy Network. They even have a new spouse support program. You simply fill out the form on their website and they will match you up with a seasoned spouse. Shortly afterwards, you would receive one-on-one mentorship. This is a totally voluntary process on both sides but the knowledge gained is invaluable.
READ
Don’t forget the plethora of online and print publications that showcase the points of view from many different voices within the milspouse community. You already know about militaryspouse.com since you’re here reading this article! Do a search and you will find multiple blogs, podcasts, and other reading materials that will help you find your way and your voice as a spouse.
IN PERSON
The last way to help you steer your ship during this life is by finding someone at your location. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to meet people at your base or post. There are balls, holiday parties, and graduations. Spouse clubs have activity clubs as well as other social events. Your spouse’s assigned units also has meet-ups throughout the year. Take a chance and participate!
Many seasoned spouses are happy to help you out if you ask, they really love to “pay it forward.” We all realize that this isn’t the easiest life and knowledge about it isn’t always readily available on the outside.
No matter what, please don’t go it alone. It’s not just about not making the stupid mistakes I did. It’s more for embracing this journey that you and your spouse are about to go on. There are so many details that can go unnoticed. And while you might be unwilling to participate now, you may change your mind later. Either way, as Kofi Annan said, “Knowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in every society, in every family.” Take your knowledge and educate others. Pass it on!
