“Enjoy every second- they grow up so fast!”
Mothers hear it all the time – from family, friends, and even the sweet old man at the grocery store. I would venture to guess that “enjoying every second” is the most frequently dispensed, and unrequested, parenting advice. And at the surprising rate with which my baby is growing and changing, I have no doubt that as she continues to grow, this piece of advice will slip from my mouth when I encounter mothers with little babies too!
However, I may be alone in this, but I cringe inside every time someone bestows this instruction on me because it makes me feel… well… guilty. While I know that’s not what these well-intentioned baby-oglers desire, the comment makes me feel bad any time that I’m not enjoying every second!
Nobody can enjoy EVERY second
After years of trying for a baby, I count my blessings every day for my beautiful little baby. She is better than I even hoped and prayed for. But the reality is, I’m not a robot and I’m physically incapable of being happy every second of every day. All new mommas have good, bad, and downright impossible moments and it’s unrealistic to expect that you will be bursting with joy in the moments when your little has burst out of their diaper and clothes for the 3rd time that day.
Despite rationally understanding this, I think most mothers are hard on themselves when negative thoughts cross their minds. That negative thought might be, “Man, is it bedtime yet?” but yet, the guilt persists.
My laundry still needs to get done
Being told to enjoy every moment makes me feel guilty for not spending every second of my daughter’s awake time interacting with her. But much to my dismay, my daughter didn’t come with a maid. So that means that I still need to grocery shop, clean the house, do laundry, workout, and more.
Also, I’m a bit OCD, so leaving piles of dishes in the sink and loads of laundry unwashed isn’t good for my mental health. So what do I do when I feel bad for taking care of these essential tasks instead of playing with the baby? I focus on the fact that my daughter needs a sane, calm mother more than a clown to entertain her 24/7. I also remind myself about the importance of developing independent play skills in children. But nevertheless, the guilt persists.
I know guilt is silly!
I will admit – I am the type of person that can feel guilty for feeling guilty. But I know that even my most level-headed friends have these same feelings. And guess what – we all know these feelings are silly! We all consciously understand that nobody can physically enjoy every moment, and that spending every second with your baby wouldn’t be normal or healthy.
But nevertheless, the guilt persists.
Rationalizing my feelings and laughing at myself for feeling guilty makes me realize that I am doing a darn good job at this mom thing so far. That is, until the next time someone tells me to “just enjoy every moment…”
