4. Expect the unexpected.
I asked my aunt what was the hardest thing she experienced as a military spouse. She answered, “the unexpected.” She proceeded to tell me a story that sent chills down my spine.
It was 1958. My Uncle Bob was stationed at Yokota, AFB in Japan. They had a wonderful Air Force community on base and quickly made friends with other families in the squadron. She had planned an over night trip to Tokyo with five other wives to celebrate several upcoming birthdays. The ladies had already gathered at her home preparing for their departure to the city. They were within a few hours of leaving the base when my aunt received a phone call from my uncle.
He told her that one of the jets had just crashed on the runway. It was “Gris”, a pilot in the squadron. He had died in the crash. His wife was sitting in front of her, waiting to celebrate her birthday on a short girls trip. My aunt said she was told to delay everyone until the Wing Commander and Chaplin could arrive to inform her that her husband was dead. This had happened before, she knew what was coming. She made excuse after excuse, trying to delay the trip, waiting for someone to inflict life-changing, heart wrenching news on one of her closest friends. She said being strong was easy, seeing the heartbreak and pain in her friend and their two little children was shattering. There are definitely sacrifices that come with the life of a military spouse; reach out for encouragement as you face these same challenges.
This group of wives spent the next five days taking care of the house and children until arrangements were finalized. She knows it could have easily have been her husband and she might have been a widow with three small boys.
She told me, “We support each other through the ‘unexpected’, we are each others family. That’s why we are here – we are family.” The “unexpected” can happen to anyone, but being in the military, we strangely expect it to happen to us. Reality check.
5. This IS the best time of your life
My Uncle Bob finally retired from the Air force not long after his F-111 jet lost power and crashed just after takeoff at Nellis AFB. He was giving a friend a “finny” flight (a final flight). Both men were forced to eject at low attitude and the parachute never opened. The impact of the ejection capsule left him a full inch shorter. The other man broke his back, and yet both considered themselves lucky to be alive.
He was told he wasn’t medically cleared to fly again. He knew his time in Air Force had come to an end. They hadn’t planned on it, but it was a welcomed event. The boys could attend and finish high school in Las Vegas. By then, my mother had married my father (an Air Force airmen, of course) and settled down with a family in Las Vegas as well. It was a perfect time.
They began to live their life as civilians. There were new careers started, middle and high school experiences, college graduations, family celebrations, summer parties, weddings and grandchildren. My Aunt and Uncle have millions of wonderful memories of life after the Air Force.
However, she would be the first one to tell you that the best time of her life was being a military spouse. Life was an adventure, never a chore. It was hard, but it was worth it. The places they traveled and most importantly, the people they met were the needed ingredients to a rich and full life.
I can hear her voice now, “You have two families; your relatives and your military family.”
Yes, it has uncertainty, but that’s the fun part. Yes, it has risks, but there is high reward. She remembers her time as a military spouse with longing. It was time when my Uncle Bob was healthy, vibrant and loved his life. It was time where she was socially active, and part of a community greater than her self. My Aunt Wallie Ruth reminds to enjoy this life and take full advantage of it, because one day it will end and it may not be by choice. As challenging as I knew it would be, I surprised everyone with what came next.
Uncle Bob was so surprised when I married into the Air Force, he certainly didn’t see that coming (no one did, including myself). He loved my husband and they both had great respect for each other. I would sit next to him the Veterans Administration Home holding his hand, talking about anything Air Force related. Where we were moving, what Chip was working on, what squadron he was going to. He loved to hear about it, he almost seemed alive and lucid during our talks. My Uncle Bob passed away two years ago. He was the patriarch of our family and we all feel an enormous void now that he is gone. I miss him dearly.
My Aunt Wallie Ruth lives a very different life now. She is a grandmother of three grown adults. One of them following tradition by heading to Air Force as a doctor (we are so proud). She lives alone and misses her husband every day. She looks forward to reuniting with him again.
Whenever I feel weak or frustrated by this life, I think of my Aunt. She’s a pillar of strength, although she doesn’t feel like it some days. I see now what she has accomplished in her life, I understand her better now. I look up to her in so many ways. There are some days I feel like I’m living her life.
My Uncle Bob may have been a war hero to us, but my Aunt Wallie Ruth, a military spouse, is a hero to me.
