1. Supporting my spouse:
I am a huge supporter of my husband in both careers. Even when he was in healthcare, he has always wanted to help people–it is simply who he is and I admire that. I am amazed that this man has not only vowed to protect his country, but to also serve and protect his hometown. It doesn’t get more selfless than that. Being a LEO and military spouse is not for the weak, nor the self-centered, the needy, clingy, insecure or high maintenance type of person. So you apply the same thought process that we military spouses do when we marry into the military.
2. Accepting he comes first:
I don’t come first, duty does, but this doesn’t mean I’m not important. If anything, I am that much more important to him because of both jobs. I have learned to accept that, just like in the military. Being frustrated is normal; being resentful and angry is not an option. Missing anniversaries, birthdays, and date nights are both frustrating and disappointing. But never worth sending him out into danger knowing I am furious with him. He comes first, this isn’t out of a sense of duty or out of submission, but rather out of love and respect for all that he faces each time he walks out the door.
3. Informing others:
The two careers may not go together, but as a National Guard family living in both worlds, I’ve learned the hard way to stop being my own obstacle: if I am having any kind of trouble, I ask for help. I look back at all those times I was alone, far from family and friends and struggling with something that could have easily been resolved if I would have just asked. There are people out there willing to help; how can I blame others for not helping if I don’t bother to let them know what is going on? Asking for help and involving the community is all part of the life cycle we live.
4. Educate:
I spent the first four years of being a military spouse not really knowing what my husband did. How is that possible? It didn’t hit me that I needed to do something about that until he slapped those deployment orders on the table. I moved fast: joined the FRG, made friends online and bought various military life books. I submerged myself in everything related to the military. Living off base, I needed to feel a part of the world and in turn it made me feel closer to my husband.
I now know how to deal with this and have taken the same approach with his career. I am dedicated to his love of both jobs. His careers are not just a job for him; they make up who he is. There is a reason military and police officers choose a profession with low pay, strange hours, tremendous stress and danger. They are called to duty, and are compelled by a desire to help others. In both his careers, I have educated myself and have a mutual respect and understanding of that fact. I am willing to make the continual compromises and sacrifices.
