Male Spouses
I grew up in the military and I can’t remember meeting one male spouse while my father was in the Navy. Even today it’s a rare thing to come across. Most of the male spouses I spoke with told me the same thing. Despite being a male military spouse, they still had this picture of military spouses being female, stay at home, and take care of the family types.
These men that are holding down the home front face different challenges than the ladies who do it. Robert, a Navy husband, said that people are always surprised to find out he is not the military member and aren’t afraid to ask some very rude questions.
“I’ve been asked what disability do I have. Or when am I going to join myself. No one is positive about the fact that I’m not in the military while my wife is. I also feel like as a military spouse I lose the attention in a conversation. Someone will find out we have a similar hobby, hometown, or background, but as soon as they find out my wife is in the Navy all the questions are about her. I become her biographer instead of being able to be myself. I am very proud of what my wife does and I am more than happy to explain everything but that’s just it. I’m explaining her more than I am introducing myself.”
Eric, an Air Force husband, says that despite the change in demographics within the military spouse community it’s still hard to be accepted as a male spouse.
“The gender part of this life comes up when I go to the bus stop or play groups with my children. I literally heard one time, ‘what’s a dad doing at the bus stop?’ And most husbands I know shun unit activities or have very little to do with their wives commands.”
Everett, a Navy husband, agrees that overcoming stereotypes is hard as a male spouse.
“Some of the older ladies find it hard to have a male in the mix. Often I am overlooked or second-guessed in groups I am associated with. Some find it hard to understand that a male can be a competent dad and provider at home. Or people want to thank me for my service! I’m more than happy to pass on the thanks to my wife, who is the Sailor. I usually tell folks that I’m just married to the military.
I wish I had known how little support there was for male spouses. It’s come a long way since 2001, when I joined the military family. Groups like Macho Spouse and MANning the Homefront are great places for male spouses to get information from other people who have been in our shoes.”
