I said yes… well in the end I said I do.
And I knew that I didn’t fully know what I was getting myself into. I was born and raised a civilian, in a civilian community, with civilian friends.
My father was a civilian immigrant from Europe who met my American mother in his own country. He came to the United States because she wanted to raise their family in California close to her parents. Neither he nor my mother spoke of American politics in front of us and I did not grow up in a typical all-American family.
So for real, I said I do to the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with knowing that I had no real idea what I was getting myself into entering a military life.
I quickly observed that military families have their own subculture and I understand now why so often military brats marry military brats. They know the lifestyle. It’s almost more familiar to them than the life that civilian Americans live. For those who grew up in the military lifestyle, to be separated from their loved ones for long seasons at a time, is part of regular life. They’ve watched their parents live it out.
The first time my husband told me he would be gone for two weeks during the first few weeks of our dating, I gave him the cute pouty bottom lip and said, “Awww, well I’ll miss you tons!” to which he replied, “Ummm, it’s only two weeks…”
My civilian ears couldn’t believe what he had just said to me. Excuuuuuse me?? my mind exclaimed, throwing attitude at him while my face remained masked with quiet raised eyebrows of a more gentle nature. In my world, my brain went on, partners typically come back to their partners every single day and it’s a big deal when they are apart for even one day!! Only two weeks?! How rude!
Here was my first taste of our two cultures coming together.
I soon observed early in our dating season that the culture of brotherhood among the guys is another difference I walked into when I said I do. Let’s be real, it’s a big fraternity, it’s always a party when they get together. Our college years were over like a decade ago, but this brotherhood lives on strong and I know I will never be on the inside experience of it! “Eat this whole cup of jalapeños!” Joe challenges my husband. Is my husband allowed to say no? Of course not! That would be a mark against his manhood and a detriment of the brotherhood! So down goes the whole cup of chopped jalapeños and the sacred brotherhood is bonded even more because of it.
Along with the pride of brotherhood comes the pride of the squadron. I came home one day to find squadron mascot stickers stuck on our refrigerator, and on our ice chest! What is this??? I have to have animal stickers on my polished refrigerator??
I also found out that there are “class pets” involved as well and everyone in my husband’s class takes turns caring for it. “Remind me to run to the pet store tonight.” my husband tells me. I couldn’t help but laugh and think of 5th grade classroom.
Anyways, of course I still don’t know what all I’ve gotten myself into with military life. I’ve only been married into this culture for seven months! I did find the man I would want to face hard times with though and I hope that my little anecdote might relate with someone out there newer to this culture who knows that they don’t fully know what they’ve said I do to either. We know harder times will come, but for now, there is a lot of surprising humor in the crossing of subcultures!
