It’s a real thing, feeling shunned or separated, disconnected from one’s community. Just recently, our FRG was informed that a fellow spouse of a deployed soldier had been dropped off of our list when she moved into our area. Lonely, overwhelmed, and unsure, she hadn’t known where to turn. And, as friendly and lovely as her neighbors were, they couldn’t give her the military spousal support that she needed, that we all need. Our hearts broke when we found out what had happened. She told me, “I’m beyond burn-out at this point. I’m not sure if recovery is possible.” No one should feel that way. We need each other.
We need others to get it. The National Guard life can be a difficult one at times because sometimes, we don’t know who is better equipped to help: Should I rely on my physical community or on my military community? There have been (and will be) times when all I have needed is my circle of spouses. I know that from experience: I spent the first six years of my marriage as the spouse of an active duty soldier. We lived next to an active duty station and were surrounded by tens of thousands of military members and their families. We were immersed in the culture of full-time military life. Our friends, our neighbors, our religious congregation, and my workplace were filled with military connections. We were the majority. Everyone around us understood deployments, CQ duties, field training exercises, and other time-consuming military adventures (that’s a nice word, right?). And we had a support network of situation-similar spouses who empathized with each other. We understood each other. Those friendships have never dulled.
