On active duty, the challenges are all-encompassing. There are job requirements, lifestyle and fitness requirements, social requirements, and more.
Sometimes, life on either side can feel so difficult that it’s easy to forget that both sides might actually be struggling. Now admittedly, I am an optimist by nature and fully understand that I gravitate toward that bias.
But, there’s also a lot of wisdom in the quote, fellow writer Joyce Meyer, shares:
Just because you’re given a cactus, doesn’t mean you have to sit on it.
As an active duty member, or a spouse.
And if your significant other has taken up shop on one, don’t be afraid to help them unstick themselves.
No Mission Survives in a Vacuum
This was one of the first things I remember hearing during initial training and tech school, Along with teamwork makes the dream work. If one person in our class failed – whether it was a physical, inspection, or academic requirement – we all did. There was no success if everyone didn’t make it across the finish line.
What I wish the military had more strongly said, and that it took me quite some time to learn as a military spouse – was: You are not alone. Don’t struggle alone in a vacuum. If, and when, you need help – there is no shame in reaching out for it.
In sharp contrast to military spouses, active duty members tend to have help thrown at them quickly, if it’s discovered that they are struggling. Problems come to light quicker, I believe, on the active duty side of the house.
Someone fails a PT test, fails a re-qualification exam, drops the ball on a high-visibility tasker and earns their squadron a butt-chewing for it, problems come to light quickly. And thus, are also addressed quickly.
Spouses, this is where we tend to do ourselves a disservice – myself firmly included. There is no metric for success as a military spouse. My version of success may not look like yours, nor yours, mine.
And it can be easy to hide in the shadows – after all, we are fierce, independent spouses are we not? But I would implore you, after learning the hard way myself, to plug in for support. It might be developing a realistic self-care plan or making the brave decision to ask for help.
Your active duty member can’t sustain operating in a vacuum, and as spouses neither can we.
We rise by lifting others
Robert Ingersoll
The one thing I have found to be true, whether navigating military life on active duty, or as a military spouse – is that we truly do rise by lifting others.
