I watched my servicemember come back from a very dangerous deployment and mentally fall apart. Yes, he went to work every day, showed no physical signs of depression or mental anguish, but at home, he was broken.
Everyday was worse than the day before. I hated it, I did what I thought was the right thing to help, but nothing worked. There was no magic pill, no special counseling session that fixed him. He was suffering from PTSD, depression, and alcoholism.
I was mentally at my wits end, but because I had to take care of everything and everyone, there was no time for sorrow. I kept going. I took care of the children, took care of my home, and did my best to take care of my spouse. I continued to bandage my family’s hurt for as long as I could.
One day, I realized, no matter what I did, I was only prolonging my own suffering. The outcome wasn’t pretty but regaining my sense of self-worth, personal strength, and confidence as a woman was something I had to do, at all cost. I sacrificed so much, there was nothing left.
I literally had no energy to even be that spouse anymore.
I did not care what consequences I would reap. Did you know there aren’t readily available resources to help military spouses seeking divorce? After years of sacrifice, you have nothing to show. Yes, you may be entitled to alimony or child support, upon the finalization of a divorce, but only if you can afford to get divorced.
In my case, I had nowhere for myself or my children to stay, no employment, and no way to financial sustain my family without the income of my spouse. I walked away with nothing. No resources, no peace, nothing.
If you are suffering, do not wait years to get help. Do something now! Seek counseling, talk to family, or get a mentor. It is important to keep your own sense of sanity. Military life is not for the faint of heart. Practice meditation, yoga, or other physical and mental exercises that will help you remain centered within yourself. Set boundaries. Have a limit to what you will allow within your marriage and your family. Have some financial security of your own. I’m not saying you should prepare for divorce, but not being prepared will cost you more than just money.
It’s okay to make sacrifices, but to become the sacrifice is not okay.
“I would rather be alone with dignity than in a relationship that requires me to sacrifice my self-respect.” -Mandy Hale
