See this and more inside the March/April issue of Military Spouse Magazine!
By Aleha Landry
Being married to a military member struggling with mental health issues is hard, to say the least. Not knowing what to expect takes a toll and is a heavy burden to carry, especially if that spouse goes it alone. I am an Air Force wife, and my husband struggles with depression and suicidal ideation.
For a long time, I did not talk about what was going on, and some of it was because I didn’t fully understand what was happening. Finding community and being able to talk about my experiences has been a tremendous help. I have been able to find people who understand what I am walking through, and they are able to help me understand what my husband is going through. With the many unknowns of mental illness and healing, having a community around me that can help carry me through has offered me understanding and an outlet for the many trying days. Having a counselor to help me navigate this journey has also proven to be vital.
One perspective that has been eye-opening in terms of understanding what is going on was relayed to me by Magen Roberts, a veteran spouse whose husband has walked through depression and suicidal ideation. “PTSD and depression can come across as someone being a jerk who pushes people away and isolates. It’s so important to remember that it is not your person, but their illness. It can be hard to do, especially when wounds like these are harder to see. Someone who was physically wounded by losing a leg is easier to see than someone who is mentally or emotionally hurt.”
Magen’s story offers me hope because her husband, Justin, chose to do the hard work and continue to work through his depression. One way that she knew he was going in the right direction was by paying it forward with his new idea called the Do Good Army. It is about helping people who are in devastating situations, just like he was.
Finding people like Magen and Justin are crucial in this journey, because they have been through it and they know what it is like to walk through the hard, dark, and scary places. They also know what it takes to get through and can offer the hope of being on the other side. Sometimes having those people can offer the support necessary to hang in there while the hope and healing come.
