By Laura Schofield
Who wouldn’t want to look at a service member in dress uniform? It’s sharp. Iconic. military life at its most glamorous. But, if I’m really honest here, it can also be military life at its most competitive. Medals, awards, ribbons and dangly-things (technical term there), special distinctions: they’re all on display, shined to perfection. Rank, service stripes, they’re all there, too, so everyone knows who outranks who and who has served the longest.
And it can be so easy to start to compare. Or maybe feel embarrassed. Does my military spouse time even count next to this spouse whose husband can barely hold his shoulder up under all that shine? My spouse doesn’t even have two service stripes yet, I couldn’t possibly be considered experienced in this life. Maybe we’re doing something wrong? It’s true, there are some things that are just learned over time. Authority is a very specialized gift in the military, with chains of command and rank taking precedent over pretty much everything else. Maybe the amount of service stripes can give you an inkling for how many deployments or PCSs these spouses have endured. Or maybe it can’t. Because there are so many things that there is no medal for in this life.
There is no medal for middle of the night phone calls.
Or duty over a holiday weekend.
Or hospital visits to sick and wounded service members.
There are no special distinctions for anyone who has had to miss the birth of their child.
Or laid a friend to rest.
Or counseled homesick junior enlisted.
There are no ribbons for vacations that have had to be cancelled.
Or recitals that have had to be viewed over FaceTime.
Or family dinners that have had to be reheated.
There are no awards for tears cried by a spouse. (My husband would have a lot of those if there was such a thing).
Or child nightmares while a parent is away. Again.
Or missed holiday get-togethers, when the whole extended family is there without your small family.
There is no uniform in the world that can possibly accurately portray the complexity of this life. The simultaneous grief and pride we can feel at the sight of those familiar uniforms doesn’t get its own stripe. No one will ever be able to see the amount of daily sacrifice from an Instagram-worthy picture. And no amount of medals (or lack of them) will determine the depth of your experiences as a military spouse.
