Many families across the service will be receiving their next set of PCS orders in the coming weeks. For some it will be expected for their normal PCS cycle, for others it will be a surprise.
For some it will be the orders they knew, for others it will be orders to a location they were not expecting or not wanting. And for those who find themselves in process of asking, “Why that place?,” It can be an emotional ride they do not want to be on.
If you find yourself with orders to a place you do not want to go, it is ok to take the time and grieve the orders you did not want.
They are orders to a location you were not expecting. It was nowhere on your radar as a possibility. It is not near the family. There is no military community. The climate, weather, location is just not ideal. All your friends got orders to amazing places and you are going to be stuck at a remote location with nothing to do, no one to visit, and no place to explore. You expect the next 2-3 years to just be miserable.
Whatever the reason may be, they are not the orders that you wanted. When your husband came home and said, “Hey, honey, guess where we’re moving to?!” You may have broken down in tears at the answer and cursed the orders issuing person. Why would they send you there?!?!
If you are grieving the orders you did not want, you are not alone. Many, including myself have been in those same shoes. Why there? Why us? While it may be hard to see right now, not every “what in the world” orders assignment is as horrible as it may seem.
While I grieved the orders to our current location, I dreaded leaving our location. A location that we loved so much, not just the people that we were leaving behind, but the area. I knew our next location was a remote assignment, and we would not have the military community that we had grown accustomed to. Who would I call for the middle of the night ER runs? Who would be there that would understand that we will not be there for long, but will still take me in as one of their own? There were so many questions, not enough answers, and the dread of knowing that in a few months we would be heading to this place that I did not want to go.
But I went. And almost 2 years into being here, I have learned that it really is not all that bad. Yes, I miss the military community. Yes, I miss the amazing location that we were at. But being here and having a change of pace in not only my husband’s regular high op-tempo schedule, but life in general has been a breath of fresh air. Instead of being so tired by the weekend that we just stay home and rest, we find things to do. We travel the countryside and visit those “No one knows about this place unless they have been here” locations. While I do not have my normal group of military spouses to lean on, I have made a few good close friends that I could not imagine not having in my life.
So, when you get those orders to the places that you just don’t want, take the time and grieve them. Run it out, eat the cake, cry to a friend and do what you need to do. Just remember that it is only for a few years, it is not permanent, and go into it having the open mind that it will not be as bad as you think. Like everything else, this too will be an adventure!
