4. When a Voluntary Separation Works
One plus of a parent geo-baching is that there can be an excitement about the remaining family visiting the new location and living like tourists for a time. One spouse I know lived several hours from her husband over the course of a year while he was at school, making regular weekend trips back and forth. It added an element of fun for the kids to stay in Daddy’s furnished apartment or to plan weekend getaways together.
Considering all the reasons discussed above, it’s understandable why a family would make the choice to temporarily separate for a time.
But let’s have some real talk about this.
With three decades as a military spouse behind me, I’ve observed many scenarios like this play out. As a volunteer for family readiness groups, a mentor for spouses’ courses, and through years of writing for and connections with the military spouse world, countless spouses have reached out to me. I’ve witnessed numerous friends’ families decide to live apart for a time, and see that time stretch out longer than they ever initially intended. And I’m here to tell you that, if there are already cracks in the marriage, the distance doesn’t help. Studies have shown that for each month apart, military couples’ divorce rates increase.
I know I run the risk of sounding overly negative, but I only mention this so that you’ll have your eyes wide open to potential issues. Can it work? Sure. But it seems to work best for couples who already have a solid, healthy relationship, are proactive about putting in the effort long-distance to keep their marriage strong, who plan a regular schedule of seeing each other and practical ways for keeping everyone in touch, with a definite end date in mind for the separation. They understand the costs involved with maintaining two households and have planned their budget accordingly. All keep foremost in their minds that the separation is a temporary one.
5. The Final Goal: Coming Back Together as a Family
Some families may decide that the stress involved is simply not worth it, and decide on an early retirement or separation from active duty. Should that have to happen? Should military moves be so stressful that the family is forced to make a decision to either live apart or leave the military? No, of course not, and we all hope that the powers-that-be will continue to look at ways to make the PCS process more logical and family-friendly. But until that day comes (I’m an eternal optimist!), it’s important to weigh every aspect before making this decision.
Regardless of the reasons for temporarily living apart, the end goal is obviously one of reuniting. Plan ahead for a different type of reintegration–of getting to know each other again after living separate lives. And above all, rest in the knowledge that you did what was best for your family!
