I had no idea what an FRG [Family Readiness Group] was until I watched Army Wives. Then, while we were stationed in Pensacola I found out our command had one and I jumped at the chance to have the wonderful relationships that I saw on the show.
Man was I naive.
I soon was told that the FRG’s function was solely to provide for the children of the command by way of parties at Halloween, Christmas, etc. At the time we were part of the very small minority of military families that had been married a number of years but did not have any children. So much for camaraderie.
I exited that group since I apparently didn’t belong. At our next duty station back in Virginia Beach, deployment time was approaching. I decided to give it another go and finally saw that those without kids were welcome, but the group was run by the wife of a higher ranking enlisted member, who thought she also wore that rank. She put down all of the spouses that were at the bottom of the totem pole and I remember thinking to myself, “If she ever leaves, I’m taking this over.”
As luck would have it, she announced that she was leaving and I jumped at the chance to take over and make it the next Army Wives. It was a success! Now that we have joined a command without an FRG, and here I am again starting over for the sake of those families which leads me to it—why you need to join your FRG, and why not to.
Why join your FRG?
1. Sense of community.
During a time of deployment especially it gives you a group of like-minded individuals to experience this with you. After all, your friend whose husband goes away on business, does not know what you’re going through. But she thinks she does.
2. Communication.
The FRG often times can provide updates about those on a mission. Sometimes, these updates serve as the only connection you have to your loved one. You don’t have to love everyone to go get vital information.
3. Keeping Busy.
The FRG functions as a social club meant to keep you engaged, connected, and busy during this time. Yes, you can have fun while they are gone!
4. To Learn.
Many people in your group will have done this deployment thing a number of times. They are happy to share their wise words with you; listen.
Why not join your FRG?
1. If you’re a complainer.
I get it, it sucks. Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo. Deployment. However, complaining and focusing on the crap won’t help you and will bring everyone else down around you. If that is all you are going to do, do us a favor and stay home. Or, put on your big girl panties and your best behavior and join us.
2. If you expect them to hold your hand.
Yes, they are your support group. They are there to support you and get you through it. But….part of the deployment process is learning to go it alone. Ask for help. Ask for guidance. But don’t think you can’t try it on your own as well. Everyone in that group is struggling and doesn’t have time to walk you through step-by-step. It sounds harsh, I know. We will stand beside you and be your cheerleader! But we also only have two hands of our own and they are simply too full to hold yours.
So instead we will stand beside you and watch you crush it.
If your command does not have an active duty FRG and you are interested in getting one started, talk to Fleet and Family Services at your duty station and then request a meeting with the proper member of your chain of command. In my experience they will welcome you with open arms and you’ll never know how many family members you will impact.
