March 10, 2017: Heidi is again in a military chapel. The very home of so many military memorials. But this time, instead of Taps, tearful testimonies, and a 21-gun salute, Heidi is greeted by 23-year-old Nichole Martin, a U.S. army intelligence sergeant.
Nichole has connected with wear blue: run to remember and Big Brothers Big Sisters to become a mentor for a child who has lost a parent in military service. Together, Heidi and Nichole are about to begin a friendship that will last a lifetime. For the next 9-weeks, Nichole and Heidi are joining their local wear blue: run to remember community for story telling, goal setting, friendship, and run training. In each of these weekly runs, Heidi is building resilience, healthy coping skills, and, most importantly, and a glimpse into the life of her father, through witnessing the military service of SGT Nichole Martin.
This past Wednesday, Nichole brought Heidi to work for a day in the life in the U.S. Army. Nichole’s team embraced Heidi as one of their own, teaching her about forensics, evidence rooms, and the diverse and wonderful ways our military serves our nation.
For the first time, Heidi interacted with the military not at a memorial or in sorrow, but in joy, curiosity, and opportunity. If John had been alive, Heidi would have slipped into his office, dropped off lunches, and joined the occasional family day. These military experiences, that are happy, healthy, and normal, are what truly allow her to connect with and know John. Nichole parted the day saying, “She will be a part of the pale rider family for life.”
Over a year later, this weekend will culminate Heidi and Nichole’s second year of training and mentorship. Heidi is more confident, better able to navigate the complicated channels of grief, and more connected to the father she never knew. On Memorial Day, Heidi and Nichole will join the larger wear blue community, running with…through…because…and beyond grief. Nichole is a powerful connection to Heidi’s past which creates a positive path for her future.
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We learn about the past through our relationships in the present. How we live in the light of life and the shadow of loss continues the stories and the legacies of the men and women who have given all. For children like Heidi, wear blue’s Gold Star Youth mentorship program has given her an identity, a connection to the past, and a relationship in the present.
For the rest of us, we remember by living lives worthy of that sacrifice. Remembering is not a passive action. On behalf of the 6,952 men and women who have given their lives in the Global War on Terror, and the 79,000 surviving family members you have a calling and obligation to make a difference in your community, nation and world by serving, mentoring and living.
So this Memorial Day, I invite you to make the legacy of death LIFE…live a life worthy of the sacrifices of these American heroes.
SGT Nichole Martin never knew John, and yet she has made him more alive for his daughter than any other force out there.
Images by Shannon Sewell and Ingrid Barrentine
