Not much has changed, in terms knowing we don’t come first… The mission comes first, then some form of deity, and last family. To act as though that does not bother you from time to time is saying you are not human. Sure we signed up for this life, but life is not linear. There is not this beautiful set of occurrences that will happen in sequential order. You will not always be this beautifully, put-together military spouse that has it all figured out, because you inevitably will fail.
Sure, when I started this life I was a doe-eyed, all will be FINE, naïve, mid-twenty-something year old, but I realize now I was in no way ready for this life. The only way to be ready for this life is to go through this life. The Military made me a military spouse, not just through policy, but through all the ups, downs, curveballs, red slating, 13 month long deployments, coming-in-last, disappointing pitfalls this life offers. There is an entire history of disappointed military spouses, and many stories of triumph through camaraderie of those spouses. Our history is rich in stories of overcoming difficult obstacles, adjusting ourselves, holding our heads high and marching on.
So here is what I really want to say, to that up-and-coming-military spouse:
Do the life, however, do it with the expectation that you will fail, but you will also revel in the smallest of victories (think: filling out the housing packet and the DoD site not crashing…)
There will be moments when this life is soul crushing (think: watching the love of your life give everything for his job and still not being good enough…)
It feels unfair (think: you can not make it home to see your niece or nephew being born or to visit your mother for the last time…)
You feel selfish for having certain thoughts (think: why has he not called me in the last two days…)
And you are crippled by guilt (think: I have zoned out this past week and have not sat down with my kids to check in with them…)
Do this life anyway, but know that you are not this instinctive celestial being impervious to the fecal-mater storm this life can be. YOU. ARE. HUMAN.
