If you ask most spouses, they can recall their first “scary announcement moment.” Whether it was for a Short Tour in S. Korea, a six-month deployment in the Sandbox, orders to move to an undesired location, or even the first time separated and navigating Basic Training. Here are a few tips on the process of navigating scary announcements.
When you are waiting for news.
Knowing news is imminent feels like the calm before a storm; you aren’t sure what the specifics will be, but you know something is coming. During this time, try not to obsess over what will be. It can be helpful to talk over a few possibilities, but the military can change on a dime, so now is not the time for details. Remember, even if you don’t expect news, in military life, life-changing news can happen in a moment.
When you get the news.
As much as you want to hop into action, take a moment to tune in to what you need and allow yourself to feel your feelings. It may be tempting to shoot the messenger, but any military spouse knows “the perfect dream list,” and plans are only helpful if the military agrees. If you are prone to overreacting, go for a walk or call a friend who has spent a few more years in the military—seasoned spouses love helping new spouses.
When you need to figure out the next steps.
Big news means lots of moving parts. See if you can find a list from your spouse or friends to know what to expect. For example, PCS guides like the one from PCS like A Pro help you through every step, from calling TMO to filing claims for damaged items.
Converse with your partner about what this means for you and your expectations. Will you take the six months they are gone and go home to see your family or stay abroad? Will you start writing your book or sign up for extra courses to finish the degree you’ve been slowly working on for two years? You may also have to reprioritize life to now solo-juggle a house with multiple kids.
When you realize you will be okay.
The shocking news you receive can become your favorite thing. When Kelly’s Airman told her they were moving to a particular base, she felt devastated, as she had heard stories, but she made lifelong friends and launched her new career from that base.
Scary announcements can feel daunting the first time you get them, even after you’ve had a few. Remember to give yourself and those in the situation grace as you process the news. You can cry, yell in a car, or wonder why something happened, but you will grow through whatever comes next. Keep holding on, and remember, military life is always an adventure, and you can keep walking the path—one step at a time.
