He wrote a list of big items that he and I would split, and because my world has been turned upside down, I blindly signed it.
There aren’t classes on how to have a proper separation or divorce, or how to protect yourself in the process. I’ve tried calling legal support but they will only give my husband advice, not me. He is abusing me, and yet they are going to protect him? What about my kid’s needs? What about protecting them? At this point no one, and I mean no one, has offered to lend me a hand.
My whole family is in another state and my only friends, who are spouses of military members, will not help me. Programs on base will not help since I am no longer considered part of this community anymore. I am not divorced yet! I am alone, with two young children and will end up having to move by myself. Luckily there are a few people I work with who are going to help me move. I find it strange that the people who are starting to stand up to help, are not affiliated with the military at all.
Am I trying to dog this community? No, not at all. Being a part of this community is like being a part of the greatest family I have ever had the privilege to be a part of. I have met some pretty amazing people. Military spouses are some of the strongest, bravest people I know. I’d like to think I was strong and brave as well. It’s unfortunate that this marriage is ending. It’s unfortunate that my spouse isn’t willing to let counseling help his anger and personality issues. It’s unfortunate that there’s no programs to help me or my children now that I am leaving the community. It’s unfortunate that a community has turned its back on me because of a decision to leave a troubled situation.
Divorce is a four letter word…HARD. Especially when it’s in the military community. I wish things could be different. But I’m not leaving angry at these people. I understand the position they are in. I leave knowing that they are still part of this close knit fabric which makes up a bond that in most cases is unbreakable. They have to stick close to each other to keep that bond strong. I know that they have to stay close to stay strong and I guess in a way when the decision was made to end this marriage, it included ending a relationship with the military community.
I will still respect it, honor it and support it. I still love and respect the women and men who befriended me. I hate that it has to end in this way but everyone has their battles. I wish nothing but the best for this community. Hopefully one day I will have the opportunity to give back to them, to volunteer, donate or offer assistance to a military family in need. My situation is unfortunate but I am grateful for the people and time I was able to share while being a part of such a wonderful community.
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