It was promotion time and my husband was less-than excited about a ceremony.
He was content to show up at work with new rank on his shoulders and skip the hoop-la. His co-workers caught wind of his plan, or lack thereof, and strongly encouraged him to have one. Over and over again they pressured him to do it “for the sake of your family.”
That motivation seemed odd to me. How could his promotion ceremony be for us, his family? Did they know we have young children who struggle to peacefully make it through an animated show let alone a formal service?
I was pretty sure Daniel Tiger wouldn’t accept the invite and as entertaining as their dad is, he would need to wear his work face just like I would be wearing my sit-still-be-quiet-keep-your-hands-to-yourself face.
I could support a military tradition and a rare opportunity for my husband to hear “good job,” but I wanted everyone to be honest and call a spade a spade. We would be attending his work ceremony just like we went to his work pot-lucks or his co-worker’s parties. This would not be “for the sake of our family.”
I kept my thoughts to myself. My husband, wanting to do anything to bless us, took the council of his co-workers and went along with it.
The ceremony surpassed my expectations. It was simple and honoring. The kids listened well enough and I was touched by the time and effort put in to make us feel loved. A few days later, we received pictures of the event and I found myself captivated by an image of the kids and me sitting together staring at the iconic, military-decorated stage.
The image captured what I had deemed my husband’s two lives, two things he tirelessly works to intertwine, as one. The words said from the podium came back to my mind and started to sink in. The children and I play a role in this military life too. The accolades my husband received were extended to us, and I almost missed it.
I felt ashamed. The thoughts and feelings that separate his work verses our family can be dangerous, and I know better. My husband does an amazing job of including us in whatever he can, but it doesn’t matter how much he does. It is my attitude of acceptance and willingness to jump into this life with him that will make his work ceremonies and his work pot-lucks our functions. We all are a team: my husband, kids, the military, and myself. Once we start sorting out and competing with one another, bitterness grows.
I am really thankful he listened to his co-workers and did a ceremony. This military custom of saying good job really was for the sake of our family.
Allison Struber is a military spouse, mother of three and author of https://allie-beth.blogspot.com/. Inspired by her kid’s energy and her husband’s dry humor, she spends her days teaching character development in schools, volunteering and trying to figure out ways to bottle up the sweet moments in life.
