Guilt.
I feel like I always have a suitcase packed for the trip… ready at the front door. Mommy Guilt, Wife Guilt, Daughter Guilt, Friend Guilt, Exercise Guilt, Calorie Guilt… the list is unending for most of us. If I were giving advice to a friend, I would say “Stop beating yourself up! You are doing the best you can! You are entitled to your feelings!” But even I know that is not realistic.
The fact is I DO feel guilty when I get irritated with my husband who is home, safe and healthy. So many of my friends are enduring yet another deployment, some of them have spouses who came home with injuries, and a few who have had the horrible privilege of a folded flag being placed in their hands. What right do I have to complain about a toilet seat, or the way the dishwasher is loaded?
I don’t.
Yet, those things do get under my skin and I realize that there is a bit of normalcy to it. Maybe it is better to just accept the feelings, learn to laugh at them, and get back to the business of strengthening my marriage. Cause feeling guilty is probably not the most productive thing I could do today.
Speaking of…
My husband just came home, saw me working, baby gear up to my eyeballs, my daughter roller skating up and down the hall (yes, there are some benefits to no carpet in base housing), and asked me an important question: “How is it that you can start unloading the dishwasher, and then get halfway done and forget to finish?” I just looked at him, and he turned to head to the back of the house, tripping on my flip flops, again.
Obviously he did not look closely, or he would have realized that in addition to forgetting to finish the dishwasher, I apparently also forgot to finish getting dressed before sitting down to write.
I am not wearing pants.
Well, at least I managed to finish writing this article today.
I love you, Honey!!
