On really hard days normal to me is my mommy blogger idol’s instagram feed full of kids dressed in perfectly pressed boutique clothing and finger-painting with permanent paint while the most beautiful mom in the world complete with perfect curls is soaking it all in (with joy) in the background. Crafty magician moms, mom’s with tutorials on how to do insanely ridiculous workouts while holding seven toddlers, moms that are pedaling caseloads of beautiful makeup with a smile on their face because their confidence is on cloud 12. Normal on a hard day for me is seeing everyone’s highlight reel and comparing it to my behind the scenes.
Normal…what is normal in military parenting? Good is normal. Hard is normal. We’re all normal. The heartache of insignificance, the lack of validation we sometimes feel, the what if’s we always seem to grapple with, those are all things we all feel. I can’t count the amount of times a well-meaning friend has countered one of my groans with the “everyone is fighting their own battle,” retort to my heartaches. I hate that response. I hate that response especially when my tunnel vision is so narrow that I can only see my own trials on rewind like bad black and white movie. Sometimes I just need empathy and a little bit of validation, AND THAT’S NORMAL. The essence of momhood comes with a caveat that we must be the most selfless mammals to roam the earth. Think of about that word with me: “SELF-LESS.” Perhaps a very honorable word possesses a dark secret that nobody quite dares to explore. One could very well dissect the meaning of the term “selfless,” and come to a conclusion that being too selfless can actually encompass the very literal translation: to lose one’s self.
Before I was a mom I wore hemp bracelets, I was a collegiate athlete, I had big dreams and then one morning all those things were tucked in a box only to revisit when nostalgia prodded their faint memories. I know who I am, I know who I was, and for me I am in an on and off again battle to find peace in those two realms. THAT’S NORMAL.
Every Monday I submit to put myself through my own personal version of Hell. In the aisles of grocery stores, in the hallways of schoolhouses, and the car at soccer practice, I sometimes let the mundane, the ordinary, and the completely underwhelming reality rob the most innocent, pure, and completely heavenly moments that reassure me that life is so so good. That’s normal. Dreams on shelves, talents tucked away-it’s okay to miss those things. It’s okay to need a little empathy, and to focus on what makes you, you. Past, present, and future. You, my friend, are normal.
