1) Include Them – It helps to include our milkids in the family decisions, especially after a big move. Have them help you unpack, no matter the age. Let them decide what’s for dinner or discuss where to live. Including children in the decision making process reassures them that they are apart of the family and validates their importance.
2) Know When to Take a Break – If I’m feeling the PCS pinch, then they are feeling it too. I have to remember to take a break and go do something fun with the them. Our milkids need to laugh. Not just laugh, but belly laugh. I need to take them some place new, make a memory, get on the floor with them, play with them and most importantly, laugh with them.
3) Be Parentactive – I have to be more than proactive, I have to parentactive when it comes to finding friends/social outlets for my milkids. I have to go after those parents at the park, the swimming pool or school programs for play dates and outings.
Also, I have to scour the social websites, Facebook groups and bribe the school secretaries to give me the inside scoop on where/how to include my children from the onset. This isn’t a problem for most extroverts like me, but this can be a tough sell for those introverts out there. Consider it like layaway – all the hard work is done upfront, then you’ll be able sit back and reap the benefits of a happy child with friends.
4) Five Question Rule – I like to arm my children with five questions they can ask a potential friend when they are in new social setting. Sometimes children, especially my kids, tend to clam up when they are out of their comfort zone. I give my children five age-appropriate and simple to remember questions to ask a potential friend.
They use questions like, “What is your favorite place to for ice cream.” Or relatable questions like, “Where were born? Or Where did you go for vacation this summer? Then a follow up question like “What do you for fun, what sports do you play?”
Before we go out, we talk through scenarios of meeting new friends and go over our questions. It gives them a little extra confidence when they want to get involved.
5) Walk Off the Jitters – If your children are starting a new school like mine are, then plan on walking them through the halls and around the campus a few times before school begins. They will be begin to picture themselves on the playground, in the halls and surrounded by friends. It gives them some familiarity.
6) It’s Their Perspective – This is a great tactic. I use their past as a frame of reference. I ask them to remember the last PCS, ask how they felt – I really listen. Then, help I them remember how well they did even though they were nervous. Talk about how many friends they had and how they met each one. This process allows them to remember that even though it was scary in beginning, they met some great friends in the end.
7) Find YOUR Happy Place – The best thing I can do for my children during this crazy PCS is take care of myself. I need do something that feeds my soul – for me it’s tennis and working out, (Read my article I’m Just Here for the Sex and Tennis https://militaryspouse.com/articles/im-just-here-for-the-sex-and-the-tennis/) – for others it finding a great church, painting, shopping, volunteering, running or crafting. We all have something that makes us happy, something that has nothing to do with being a military spouse or a parent. I’ll be a better parent if I can find balance in my life – even if I am surrounded by boxes or stuck in a TLF.
I will add one more.
Phone a Friend, a Military Spouse Friend – Sometimes you just need someone to talk it out with. Someone who get its. Pick up that phone and call that military spouse friend. I promise you’ll feel like you can conquer the world when you hang up. Thank you to my military spouse superhero and partner in crime, Becky Harris, for the must needed reminders and sage advice. Even in the midst of your chaos, you had time for mine. You were exactly what I needed to turn my worry into empowerment. You’re right, I got this.
If you are struggling with finding the right school or understanding what you need to get your children on the right path at a new school, I’ve added a link to the article PCS Checklist for School Aged Children – https://militaryspouse.com/articles/a-parents-pcs-checklist-for-changing-schools/ You can find a month-by-month plan to help you tackle a new school; new curriculum and helping your children adjust to their new environment.
