While she’s my second child, Madelyn is my first baby. I ‘got’ my first daughter, Cailin, when she was around 18 months old, and even then it was mostly a weekend’s only thing until she was two and a half. (My older daughter is my husband’s, but he has full custody. So… she’s mine.) I thought, having raised Cailin for four years… that I was prepared for the second one. And if for some reason I had a question about something baby related, I had a lot of people to turn to – my husband (obviously), my sister the NICU nurse, my mother, and friends and family who had babies.
I thought I was ready.
I very clearly remember the conversation I had with my mother about what to pack in the diaper bag. Diapers (duh), wipes, ointment, those handy bags to hold stinky diapers, a blanket, the travel changing pad, a first aid kit and a change of clothes. I even thought to pack a plastic bag JUST in case we needed to store the inevitable soiled change of baby clothes.
It never crossed my mind that I would need anything for myself.
Until we were at Cailin’s soccer practice and Madelyn – who was in the kangaroo pouch thing all snuggled on me wearing a brand new diaper – blew out her diaper so badly, it looked like I peed myself. I stood there for a minute trying to process what had happened, staring at my sweet baby who would NEVER do such a thing. And for some reason, my first response was to text my sister.
Whose response… was to laugh.
I got up quickly, snuck to my car, and changed Madelyn, cursing the whole time. Clearly it wasn’t her fault, but dang it! Soccer had just started and my pants were so wet! It wasn’t even sunny that day so it’s not like they were going to dry off. Madelyn just giggled and smiled at me the whole time, being extra cute. I swear she knew. I still haven’t decided if she was trying to be so cute to make up for it, or laughing because of what she had just done. I was very glad to have the change of clothes for her and the little plastic bag.
I got done changing her and looked down at my pants. HUGE. Wet. Spot. Like from my crotch to my knee… all over my right leg. There was NO hiding it.
I walked back to the field with a clean, dry, happy baby and wet, smelly pants. I knew the other moms wouldn’t think I was crazy – they all had babies, there’s no WAY I was the first mom who had this issue. But still, for some reason, I didn’t want them to see. So I decided the best course of action would be to sit and have Madelyn’s blanket on my lap with her sitting on my lap. Maybe that would also help to dry my pants? I sat down, knowing it wouldn’t.
I spent the next 45 minutes with a happy baby on my chest and lap and a wet pair of pants. It was disgusting. I made Cailin leave practice as SOON as coach said it was over and flew home (relatively speaking…my babies were in the car!). As soon as I got home, I took my pants off, gave my husband the baby, and went to shower without even explaining. I got out feeling much cleaner and calmer and explained what had happened.
I don’t think he’s laughed that hard in a while.
He didn’t offer any words of sympathy. He didn’t commiserate and share a story of something similar that happened to him. He just stood there and laughed. The calm feeling was evaporating. I had been covered in liquid baby poo! Didn’t he understand how disgusting that was!? It was all over my pants! And my legs! And even my underwear.
And he… was laughing.
I stood there, glaring at him, speechless for a few seconds, just gathering steam to start an argument… when I paused.
I had been covered in liquid. baby. poo.
That was nothing if not hysterical. How gross! I lost it. Seriously, that was one of those things that could only happen to me. It was disgusting… but it was part of being a mom. At least I could laugh about it, even if it was only after a good hot shower and my husband reminding me that it was necessary to laugh at things like this.
Thank you, dear husband. I will make sure and return the favor and laugh just as hard when it happens to you.
