4. Remain positive and constructive
Maintaining an optimistic attitude throughout the discussion is also important.
Identify the positive behavior you want to help your child achieve, instead of the negative behavior that’s triggering your anger.
“If you focus on what your child needs to learn,” explains Frazier, “you’ll feel more empowered to influence your child’s development. When you think, ‘I want to help my child show more respect,’ rather than ‘My child is so disrespectful,’ you have a positive goal for both of you.”
Of course, it can seem impossible to find that inner calm and positive outcome. That’s when Coast Guard mom, Anne, gets out her vacuum cleaner.
“When my kids start arguing and discussion seems impossible,” says Anne, “I know it’s time to stop everything. Occasionally I’ll vacuum just to get a few moments of ‘quiet’ and believe it or not, it works. Everyone gets a few moments to settle down and the discussion afterward is a lot more civilized.”
The next time you feel yourself start to spiral out of control with your children, remember that the goal isn’t to see who can argue the longest. The children are in reactive mode too, so take a deep breath and respond with love.
I know advice is easier to give than apply, a fact ironically self-proven during arguments with my own children while actually writing this article.
But as I like to remind them during our moments of calm, I’m as much a work in progress as they are. They’re just a lot cuter!
