Dear Wife in Need,
This is probably one of the most difficult letters I have come across. There are so many aspects to this that I had to really go to outside resources to assist with this.
My first instinct was to say, “Divorce his butt, because he has a whole other life without you.” And I am sure many of my readers are saying the same thing. Then the reality of it all sets in. Divorce can be expensive and a long battle. You need help now.
I would love to give you a detailed report on exactly what to do in this situation, but unfortunately, it would be wrong of me to do so. Instead I would like to offer you avenues of resources that you can utilize and hopefully this will point you in the right place.
Depending on where you would like to end up with this relationship, will really determine the best course of action on your part. Stay together or get a divorce. Either way, your service member needs to financially support you and your children.
Without knowing absolutely everything about this situation, it is very hard for me to be able provide anything more than resources for you.
First of all, if you choose to take legal action you will need legal counsel. From there, I cannot guide you any more because I am not a legal professional. Several professionals have told me that you can seek the help of the FRG and the chain of command. There may also be some spouse and children advocacy networks in your area. You can email me if you need help locating a few.
Code Of Support is also a great resource for families who need a full spectrum of support and resources. You can look into the Military Family Life Counselors (MFLC) and Military OneSource for more readily available resources that are closer to your area.
If you choose to go to your husband’s chain of command, which is always an option, you need to be able to provide them with facts on the situation. They will need to know both sides of the story and will confront the service member. Please approach this avenue with the utmost respect for his chain of command because they want to help but will only do so if you cooperate in a calm and collective manner.
I truly wish you the best of luck in such a situation. It will not be easy and I know you will have a long road ahead of you. Please reach out to me immediately should you need more resources at [email protected].
