How could they be so selfish?
We hear this said when someone says no, or refuses to give their time. We may say it when someone makes a choice, and we disagree. Being labeled selfish can feel isolating and scary, so we double-check our actions and worry about hurting someone’s feelings. But is that the right course of action?
Selfish or smart?
What may seem selfish to one might be the right thing for another. I’ve been called selfish for choosing not to have children, but is this true? If you volunteer for just one thing and not five, are you being selfish by setting boundaries? What about taking a day off of your phone each week? Taking care of yourself has been twisted into being synonymous with “selfishness.” Some women even feel bad about taking a shower. They believe any time spent away from their family is selfish, and guilt starts to creep in. Because saying “no” means being “the bad guy.”
Is it greedy or doing something good?
You may know Liz Gilbert, author of the book Eat, Pray, Love. After her book came out, she started getting the “But wasn’t it selfish?” question from readers and critics alike. So one day, she made a lighthearted, albeit serious Facebook post, “Today…is National ‘Liz Gilbert Stops Answering Questions About The Word Selfish’ Day.” She shared how the English language has altered how we see the word selfish itself.
“I’ve explained about how, in the Mandarin language, there are two words for “selfish” — and how one word means “to be greedy or hoarding,” and how the other word means “to do something good for yourself” — and how not everything we do that is good for ourselves is necessarily greedy or hoarding.”
As military spouses, we serve everyone around us. Instead of serving from an empty cup, where we are exhausted, can we help from a place of overflowing? Can you nourish yourself – mind, body, and soul? So when you volunteer, work, or support your kids, you feel well-rested and engaged?
“Choosing yourself” allows you to feel refreshed, not resentful. People may say you are selfish for saying no, but remember saying ‘No’ to one thing enables you to say a better ‘Yes’ to another. So what’s your Yes? Kids? Family night? A fantastic volunteer project you love? So next time someone says, “Wow, that’s selfish!” ask yourself, were they greedy, or did they make a smart choice for them?
