3 Ways That A Long-Distance Relationship Preps You for Deployment

We were at the airport. I’d spent most of the night crying -- and most of the night before that. The day of -- the day he got on the plane -- had passed by in a blur of suitcase zips, suitcase unzips, stray socks, rain and hand squeezes. The airport was too hot, too full, time ticking by too quickly. And suddenly the rhythm of the day, the mindless tasks, the grumbles and the swallowed words, had led up to this point. Departure. Everything else became white noise and it was time to say goodbye. It was only once he started to walk away, that I began to crumble. I know that many, many couples have found themselves standing in my shoes, but for military couples, this is an all-too-familiar family portrait. The goodbyes, the tears. The few moments of absolute helplessness. I know what you may have been thinking, but no: this particular picture wasn’t a deployment. It was snapshot of my relationship before the marriage and the military. By the time my husband and I married, we’d spent less time together than we had apart, on separate continents. I’ve written about our relationship before -- how we met, dated , and said goodbye , all within ten months. I’ve also written about the time we spent apart. I will never, ever forget how difficult it was, nor will I forget how difficult every single goodbye was. I’m aware that it’s impossible to truly liken a deployment to any other obstacle in a relationship, but admittedly, I’m grateful now that we spent so long in a long-distance relationship. The very least I can proffer is that all the time we spent apart before has prepared me -- never completely, but certainly in several ways -- for future deployments. 1. You’re aware that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Oh, the hapless platitude of well-meaning friends and family. I know many people will read this and barf in their mouth a little. But, you know, cliches hold a certain amount of truth, however well-recited they become. I have always maintained that, in the very least, knowing that my husband and I had limited amounts of time together- and that gave us so much gratitude for the time we DID have. That's not to say we spent our vacations making grand gestures to one another and going on twee, Instagram-able adventures. Quite often, we'd carry on doing the most mundane, everyday activities -- but every grocery haul, every Netflix binge, every date night was loaded with a special significance. We reveled in "normal." So perhaps I should alter the phrase a little: Absence makes the heart more grateful. Either way, doing the LDR thing gives you a new appreciation that any time spent together is time well spent, which I've now come to realize is the very essence of a military marriage . 2. You’re self-sufficient. Okay, let’s get real for a second: Goodbyes NEVER get easier. Goodbyes are the worst; they will ALWAYS be the worst. But coping, once you’re back at home and you’ve had a few mopey nights in with a few too many glasses of wine? THAT gets easier. You learn that drinking wine probably won’t solve anything (but hey, it's no issue to have a glass because you damn well want to). So you buckle down, get busy, have fun. You work hard/play hard and you learn that it's okay to hibernate hard, too. You pay your own bills, go out to eat on your own, and you become accustomed to living life without having someone to go home to. By no means would I suggest that I became the person I am today because of my relationship, but it sure did help. I became so much more self-reliant, independent, and -- dare I say it -- I matured. 3. You're (on your way) to empathizing. By no means can anyone who hasn't experienced a deployment empathize, one hundred percent, with a deployment. But going for months without seeing your significant other? At the very least, you're on your way. There are innumerable, obvious differences: The shadow of danger, the limited contact, the displacement at home, and so we could go on. But, if you're going for long stretches of time without being physically close, there's one huge deployment kicker that you can relate to. Riding the LDR train absolutely made me a more sympathetic person, period. Friends of mine -- who lived, say, a few hours from their S.O. -- would say things to me like, "I can't complain! Look at you guys!" I was touched, but at the end of the day I always emphasized: Whether it's 300 miles, or 3000 miles, one month between visits or six, it still sucks . So I went into the military life understanding this- If a friend needs to cancel a plan because her husband is miraculously home for the weekend from the field, or if someone is struggling with deployment , I will ALWAYS lend an ear. Because even though I may not be able to truly empathize -- I am partway there. And that has made me so, so much more appreciative of other couples' unique fears and struggles.

3 Ways That A Long-Distance Relationship Preps You for Deployment

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