On one side of the aisle are spouses who believe that being able to communicate constantly only strengthens a marriage. They will argue that their service member insists on being told every detail of life while they are gone, no matter how upsetting. They are glad that their service member tells them every single detail possible… even if it means causing them more sleepless nights of worry. They believe that by omitting details, they are being dishonest in their marriage. They believe that even in the face of a deployment their marriage can, and should, continue to be the main source of strength for each of them. Constantly being in communication with their loved one gives them strength and eases the pain of separation. In my experience the majority of spouses who feel this way have grown up being very comfortable with many different forms of technology. But I have heard from a few “seasoned” spouses (we don’t like to say “older” around here) who have embraced technology and now communicate with their service members frequently during deployments and separations.
On the other side (and in the interest of full disclosure I will tell you that I join this side) are spouses who cling to the “old school” mentality that less is more when dealing with deployment communication. We will argue that service members don’t need to be told things that are upsetting because then they are not able to “focus on the mission”. We are grateful that our service members spare us the details of their deployment because we sleep better not knowing. We believe that omitting details comes from a place of love (maybe a little bit of martyrdom) and that our marriages are equally as honest as the ones who divulge every detail. We believe that in the face of a deployment, we need to rely on our friends, family and other spouses to be our main source of strength. Limiting communication with our loved ones may be hard, but can also ease the pain of separation. Not all spouses who subscribe to this way of thinking grew up in an era where cell phones barely existed and dial-up was the norm… but in my experience the majority of us are of the “seasoned” variety.
