His threatening calls and texts reassure me that I am doing the right thing for the children and me. I received the divorce paperwork one year after we wed.
A few months go by, and I am still beating myself up emotionally about ending our marriage. I blame myself for not being stronger. I blame myself for failing at living my American dream. My youngest blames me for taking the only chance he had for a father figure. I decide to move again to the city to see if that will help us move forward with our lives. I will get through this.
After a year in the big city, I find a temporary distraction online as I engage in conversations with a soldier who oversees. He is not a threat because he is too far away to hurt the kids or me. Suddenly, he is standing at my desk with a bouquet of flowers. I am stunned as I did not expect him to come home on his break for another two weeks. I get caught up in the excitement of my online fling being in person. I lose my common sense and flirt with the idea of marriage and a family. Everything was perfect until I witnessed him punching an elevator door because my young child was skipping on the sidewalk. My guard went up and I no longer desired to be with him or any military man that was aggressive.
I am staring blankly at a sonogram picture of what looks like a tiny little crumb. I am pregnant. I am alone. I am scared. My oldest daughter says, “Well Mom, we raised one together already. We can raise two.” Her words soothed my soul, and I can never thank her enough for her support. Instead of receiving his support, he sends me the money to have an abortion. I am lonely, but I am strong enough to raise this baby alone with my others.
I am almost ready to have this baby I am carrying when I receive a text from an unfamiliar number. How did he find me after all this time and why is he asking about the children. My ex-husband is passing through the city. I never found closure after our marriage. Maybe if I see him one last time, I can finally lay my emotions to rest about what happened between us.
My assumptions entangled me back into his arms with hopes for a better marriage. He is a man in need of a savior again.
A man who drinks too much and spends money carelessly with no regard to investing in the future. I still feel guilty about the way I left him behind. He assures me that his departure from the military fixed his issues. I decide to give it one more chance. Maybe I can salvage what we had, and we can be a family again.
I sold everything I had to pay for everyone to move to backwoods Oklahoma beside his parents. I am always giving everything into making this relationship work, and he is always pulling away. I cannot see that I am a meal ticket and nothing more in his eyes. I will settle for less than perfect because that is what marriage is about right? I did commit until death do us part.
We live in that little place for almost a year when the physical abuse begins. He is cursing the children, scaring everyone around him, and showing no signs of improvement after multiple visits to Veterans Affairs. The violence is progressing and now I am being fired from work because of the bruises on my body. His father warns me that if I do not leave my home immediately, my children and I are in immediate danger.
I drive away from that old house with the clothes on my back and my babies. I can replace everything except what is in my car. I search high and low in Oklahoma for help. The woman’s shelter is full of drugs, so that is not an option. We are all alone here. Thankfully, 1 out of the 25 programs I reached out to in northeast Oklahoma can help me with temporary shelter until I can transfer my job back to Texas or Arkansas. We do not have much but a pot to cook with and some crayons to color pictures until we get back on our feet. I am stronger now than I was before.
I will teach myself how to break this cycle.
I move back to my hometown as fast as I can get my job transferred. Unfortunately, caregivers do not want to watch children at 4 am so I must find another route to employment. One summer on unemployment with my kids safely in my arms changes the rest of my life. I decide to enroll back into college.
I am nearing completion of my second degree now, and life is full of joy. I am completing an undergraduate degree in emergency administration management debt-free. I started at the bottom with no chance at becoming a success story and became a multi-national award winner who fell in love with public service. I have not worked since I lost my job in 2014. I rely solely on the contributions of merit and need-based scholarships and grants. I have developed into an advocate for domestic violence survivors and nontraditional students pursuing higher education. My story has been featured in several magazines and online publications.
I hope to use my story to inspire women who have endured the hardships of being a military wife. I desire to show them that you can create the American dream you always wanted. I finally found a good ex-military man that is gentle and kind. He has two beautiful daughters to contribute to our family. My children have the role model they always wanted, and the baby is turning five this year. She has been such a joy in our lives. I am on my way to working for the federal government, and I am living my American dream after divorce.
Thank you for letting me share my story with you.
