Christy Ferrell
Spouse Name: Richard
Branch: Army Reserve
Homecoming: January 2020
Back to Deployment 10 Years Later…
This being our third deployment, you would think I had it all handled. I am here to be completely honest with you, I failed. We had talked about everything, I knew what to expect and what to do. After all, I am the FRG leader; what could possibly go wrong?
On March 24, 2019, my husband left for Kuwait for nine months. This wasn’t like our first deployment that left me at home with two children and four months pregnant. It wasn’t like our second either, when our kids were 15, 14, and 5. Our last deployment was 10 years ago, and since then we’ve been living the civilian life and not worrying about being apart.
For the first couple of weeks, I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I cried all the time. I took our son to school in my pajamas and returned home each day to mope around my empty house. I was failing and it had only been a couple weeks. When I realized what I was doing wasn’t my norm, I decided to make changes. Gradually, I believed this deployment wasn’t going to beat me.
Our son’s situation was different. He was too young to remember Rick’s prior deployments. But he was old enough this time to realize all of the things dad would be missing. He pulled away and said it was easier on him not to talk because it hurt him knowing dad wasn’t coming home at the end of each day.
I took this opportunity to get a lot of things done. My parents and I cleaned, painted and prepped our rental house to sell and our son and I took a road trip to Missouri with a family friend. When we returned, I decided to purge our house and redo our master bedroom. When we had the three kids at home during the last two deployments, it was easy to stay busy. This time I had to be really creative.
Time to Come Home
He was finally on the plane to come home and I was concerned because they had been talking about a virus and on the day he flew home the travel bans started.
I had cleaned the house, gotten all of his favorite foods, made sure I had my outfit ready, and I even made a sign. We arrived at the airport and I was so excited I couldn’t sit still. The plane landed and finally I saw him. He had the biggest smile on his face. I remember grabbing him and not wanting to let go. We left the airport and returned home. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about homecoming – we don’t have parties, we don’t take trips, we go home and simply enjoy having each other back.
Give Yourself Grace
Our first deployment was 17 years ago. We each entered our marriage with a child, and when Rick deployed, we were four months pregnant. I remember feeling like I could handle anything that was thrown my way. I felt this way until the day he left and then I was stressed, exhausted, jealous, and bitter.
But I had heard that no matter what, the last thing you want to do is burden your spouse with these things. So, I lied, about everything. He would ask me all the time how I was, and I would tell him I was fine. I was never fine. Five years later, we were on the verge of divorce when he got orders for another deployment. We didn’t speak much before or after he left. While he was gone I started counseling. I learned how important it is to communicate with your spouse, no matter what is going on in life. I started talking to my husband about how I felt and we started to save our marriage. By the time he returned, we were a team.
I was more ready for
this deployment, because I knew that no matter what,
I could tell my husband how I was feeling and he wouldn’t downplay it or think I was weak. When I was struggling, I was not struggling alone. To the spouses still waiting:
• Always communicate even when you can’t find the words
• Give yourself grace
• Asking for help does not make you weak
• Deployments are a hiccup in your relationship, and like a hiccup, it will not last forever.
Photos by:
Jessica Thayer photos Kari Hayes Photography
Jessica Sutherland photos Heather Marie Photography
