With 92% of military spouses being female, being a male within that space can be daunting. On one hand you are treated like a unicorn while on the other, forgotten.
David Carrera, the 2020 Armed Forces Insurance Navy Spouse of the Year – hopes to change that.
Carrera is currently stationed overseas in Okinawa, Japan where his wife is an officer in the Navy. He feels that one of the greatest challenges for male spouses is the lack of connection and support that actually includes them.
“The one thing male military spouses lack is a way to connect. I think there should be a Manpendent type of group at every base and duty station,” he shared.
Although male military spouses may have different needs or interests, they aren’t asking for everything to cater to them. They simply want groups or clubs to be more inclusive and not so female-focused. On his profile for MSOY, he referenced walking into a book club meeting, only to sit down and realize they were discussing 50 Shades of Grey. He quietly got out of that gathering – and fast.
Being inclusive is the biggest part of his advocacy for male military spouses.
“Sometimes we don’t want to reply to emails that start off with ‘hey ladies’ or ‘girls, get ready’. Try to seek us out in your spouse groups. While there may not be a lot of us, we are just as passionate about supporting the mission as you are,” Carrera said.
With all the differences between male and female military spouses, there are some familiar difficulties for everyone. They too struggle in this life. “The hardest thing is two-fold. Changing jobs because of a PCS and saying goodbye because you are moving,” Carrera shared. He has been a military spouse for 11 years and moved four times.
As a television producer, he has been unable to secure employment in Japan. Carrera shared a story of attempting to garner a job with DoDEA for a video producer, but was told he wasn’t qualified.
“I produced the super bowl – but I am not qualified,” he said.
Other production credits include ESPN, HBO, Johnson & Johnson and CBS. The experience of having value and experience but being underemployed or unemployed altogether is something all military spouses share.
When he couldn’t secure employment with DoDEA or elsewhere, he began volunteering for his son’s school through the PTO. He was producing videos for their events which were highly celebrated.
DoDEA began sharing them.
Despite the challenges, he isn’t yet too jaded. Carrera has dedicated much of his time to being an advocate for military spouses and especially those who are male. He has made it his mission to support male spouses through support groups or simply connecting with them immediately after they’ve gotten stationed where he is. He’s helped create “Manpendent” groups on social media to help foster that feeling of connection and support, especially for new spouses.
Carrera now devotes the time he would have been working to local orphanages and his community. He has chosen to embrace the experience of being in Japan and utilizing his extra time to give back and do what he can to support those in need. It is through his efforts of volunteerism and supporting the military community that he was named the AFI Navy Spouse of the Year.
“My advice is to enjoy the ride and its ups and downs, although the downs seem really low sometimes. In the end we all come out better and remember that we aren’t just doing this. This sacrifice isn’t just for our spouses, we are an important part of the mission to keep America safe and ready,” Carrera said.
So, the next time you see a male military spouse at an event: just say hi. Don’t rush them like they are a box of squirming puppies vying for your attention, though. Instead, welcome them. Most of them are walking through the same struggles you are and just seeking a light at the end of the tunnel too.
Be that light.
