Met, Married, and He Was Never My Boyfriend

Here’s our military marriage story.

Today you will hear our spectacular love story ONLY from my side. (I have that advantage right now!) If my hubby had any less than complimentary thoughts about me during our process then he’ll have to tell his story on his own time.

“Daddyyyy can I have $300?” – Hubby

That’s the first thing I ever remember hearing him say. He was imitating Hilary Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. We were about 12 but we’d been around each other since we were 6 and I only knew him as the quiet light-skinned boy. But that day I asked him to repeat it over & over because he was surprisingly hilarious!

After that he was his usual quiet self, so I looked the other way since I was more outgoing. What I didn’t know was that he was crushing on me already…

“He keeps trying to tell me something but I’m scared to hurt his feelings. I just don’t like him like that.” – Me

At 22yrs old, he was stationed back in our hometown and he casually asked me to a basketball game and dinner. I legit thought we were just hanging out because of his relaxed easygoing demeanor.

I’d been on THREE dates with this guy and I had NO CLUE they were dates.

Then one night when he ate a bite of my food off my fork, it all made sense.

He LIKED me.

Once he expressed his feelings I had to be honest. We couldn’t be together for 3 reasons:

  1. I was just out of a relationship and wasn’t ready.
  2. As organic as our interaction was and as much as I loved his company, I didn’t share his romantic feelings.
  3. I was NOT the type to lead a guy on.
    (Plus I cared too much for him to hurt him like that.)

“I am not attracted to him at all…BUT I LOVE HIM! I’d marry him today if he asked me!” – Me

Those are the exact words I said to my sister.

The guy who genuinely liked me, who made me laugh hysterically, who kept me on the phone til 4am and who made me feel the most comfortable of any other guy I had ever been with had left me alone.

He understood that I wasn’t ready, and he decided to move on.

Looking back now and describing the impact he had on me I can see how I was dumb to let him go. But trust me, we weren’t ready for each other.

But I missed him.

Then this craziness occurred. I started to SEE him.

The entire time I had only thought of him as the boy I knew. Now I made space to know the man. And I loved him.

So the attraction came…but he was gone.

After 6 years, we reconnected. And although we were both single we had NO INTENTIONS of dating (which we made clear). We’d both had failed relationships and were mistreated by the people we were with so we were good alone.

However…we started talking everyday, then every night.

After about a month of fun conversing, our parents started bringing up marriage and shocked both of us.

My mom: “If you’re going to get married let me know.”

His mom: “Did you get married today? I just want to be in the loop!”

What the heck?

Then for my dad to say it really blew me away.

“I know who your husband is.” – My daddy

Yes, my feelings were budding because I finally decided to allow them, but no one knew. I didn’t even tell him.

He finally got it out of me during one of our late night convo’s. I played dumb…

Me: “Do about what?”

Him: “Look. I like you and I know you like me. Admit it.”

Me: “Ok I like you, so now what?”

Truth is, I didn’t like him. I loved him and wanted to be his forever. But how do you say that to someone who isn’t even your boyfriend?

“Let’s do it!”

(Picture by our 6 year old daughter)

The best part of our story was when we didn’t let what other people would think effect our decision. We spent a weekend together so I could accompany him to the Marine Corps ball. This was also our time to see how our chemistry was together. It was completely organic.

The night after I got back home he proposed. Not in the traditional way. He simply said,

“I’ve been thinking about marrying you, and I was thinking of reasons why we wouldn’t do it. The only thing I can come up with is time.”

Me: “What do you think about that?”

Him: “That’s not a good enough reason. LET’S DO IT!”

Me: “OK” (Smiling so hard my face hurt)

Exactly two months after we reconnected, we were standing in front of a judge vowing to love, honor and respect each other forever!

Over 10 years married now and we still mean every word of those vows.

So glad I chose the one who was never my boyfriend.

He was always meant to be my husband!

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