You know, as a military spouse who used to move every two to three years to a new duty station, I have never been one of those people who has a lot of friends. The truth is that I am a very reserved, and somewhat shy person. An introvert, others may describe me. Well, that’s me. The thing with being an introvert is that your friend circle tends to be very small—quality versus quantity, you know… and that’s basically how my friend circle is, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But for a person who doesn’t have that many friends, losing one single friend is not only devastating, but also very, very sad.
A couple of years ago, after I was diagnosed with some mental health conditions (chronic general anxiety, PTSD, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder), I found myself feeling ashamed and embarrassed about my new health problems and, at first, I told myself that I wasn’t going to share my situation with anyone. That I was going to keep my health issues to myself and that I wasn’t going to “bother” anyone with my sad story.
The problem with that was that not telling anyone about my mental health struggles wasn’t doing any good to me. I just continued to sink into the huge dark hole that my conditions were trying to get me into. So with some guidance from my mental health counselor, I understood that if I wanted to start making peace with my conditions, that it was better for me to have some type of support system so that, in moments of need, I could reach out to my friends for emotional support.
And, with that in mind, I came clean to my friends and family about what I was going through.
One thing I never would have imagined was that, when finding out about my mental struggles, some of my friends would, immediately, stop reaching out to me. No, they didn’t offer their help. No, they didn’t ask if I needed anything. No, they didn’t tell me they were there for me if I needed to talk to someone. No, they didn’t do any of that. They just stopped reaching out. They just stopped calling. They just stopped asking me to go and visit them. They just stopped asking if they could come to visit me.
They just disappeared from my life and continued with their lives as if nothing had happened.
Even Facebook became a lonely place. With close to 300 friends on Facebook, just a few of them kept in touch with me, and very few were genuinely interested in knowing more about my struggles and about what they could do to help. The others didn’t even bother to reach out.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to sound like a cry baby, or like I’m trying to throw a pity party for myself. No, believe me… that’s not where I am coming from. The reason I’m talking about this is because that was exactly the reason I didn’t want to come clean and tell my friends about my conditions, because I was afraid that they would stop reaching out, which is exactly what happened, which I am sure is the same thing that is happening to others, who like me, are struggling with mental health conditions and are afraid of telling people about it.
Do you want to be there for your friend, but don’t know how? Let me tell you five simple tips on how you can help.
1. Contact them from time to time to see how they are doing.
2. Keep an eye on their social media for “cry for help” hidden messages.
3. Don’t forget about important dates in their lives.
4. Remind them that they are loved, and that people do care about them.
5. Don’t feel sorry for them… just continue being their friend.
6. Don’t run away from them the moment you hear they are struggling with a mental health condition. That will hurt them more than you could ever imagine.
Suffering from a mental health condition is hard…very hard, but knowing that we have a support system is one of the best feelings a person struggling with these conditions can experience. I know that because I am one of those people and believe me when I said that, even when some of my friends disappeared from my life the moment they heard about my struggles, others stayed, and they made my life much better.
The truth is that I am trying not to allow the situation of my “runaway friends” to bring me down, or to make me feel like my friend circle is becoming smaller by the minute because, again, it’s not the quantity of my friend’s circle what matters…is the quality and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I would like to ask those who have friends suffering from any type of mental health condition to reach out to them. They need you. They want to hear from you. They can’t fight the mental health battle by themselves. They need you to fight for them…with them.
Marielys Camacho-Reyes, MS is a U.S. Army Veteran, a freelance writer, and the author of the newly released book Cleaning Out My Closet: My Road from Self-Discovery to Emotional Healing available in Amazon.
