So we fought, and fought hard. Not just with each other, because that did happen, but also for each other. The first deployment for him wasn’t too bad…at least in terms of what he experienced overseas.
His unit did maintenance support for helicopters. It was the same job he did at home every day, but in a new location. But the second deployment, that was a whole different beast. As a helicopter pilot my husband’s mission was VERY different, and with that HE was VERY different. Reintegration the second time around was a slap in the face. Looking back at it now, I think we were both in such a state of shock over ALL of it that we just left some issues unaddressed. I finally recognized the reintegration problems, and I only cared about those.
The other issues I am talking about are not ones exclusive to military couples but really ones all couples face. We kind of forgot to work on any of them. As a military spouse it is so easy to just blame the military life for all our problems and areas of discontent. It is always easy as a human being to point the blame anywhere else but at yourself. And that is exactly what we did the second time around.
We faced the reintegration concerns we read about, heard about in all the military pamphlets and mandatory meetings, and left the others alone. I was completely consumed with the idea that the military had taken my husband, changed him at his core and left me to figure out how to go on from here. From my point of view I was doing my best.
During the second homecoming something very common happened. I was pregnant within six months of his return. First off, let me be clear, a baby was not EVER meant to fix anything! We had been trying to have another child more than a year BEFORE he actually left. I had even hoped it would happen at R & R. Finally getting pregnant with our third child was one of the happiest things that ever happened to our family. So, we moved on.
Falling in love the second time wasn’t just about him and I, it was more of a family affair. A third child was VERY much wanted by all four of us. When we first started off as a young couple with two children, we put a lot of grit, elbow grease, and burning the candle at both ends to make things work.
With the third pregnancy there was financial certainty, trust in our ability to parent, and two siblings age 9 and 11 who wanted NOTHING MORE than to have another baby. Love was in the air, and it was healing us. The experience of having our third son was the first time my husband had only joy, void of any doubts. Enjoying fatherhood without the pressures was new to him. Love between my husband and I became so easy. Welcoming a third son to our family was an experience full of love and joy…and we focused on little else but making our beautiful family thrive. And it did, at least for a while.
