People in the military have used this word to degrade, insult, and shame military spouses for years. Often, we see spouses use this same term against one another: Dependa. To be called a “Dependa” can be one of the most derogatory and offensive names moments as a military spouse. The stereotype of a Dependa is a military spouse who loses themselves both physically and ambitiously, doing nothing with their lives and placing all dependency on their servicemember with an expectation that they are owed something. Since this type of ridicule and shaming has been around for decades, we might as well discuss it. What is the risk of becoming a dependa and how can this be avoided?
Part 1: The essence of complacency can easily shift into a dependa
In many instances, military spouses desire to be housewives/stay-at-home-mothers and choose to be homemakers for the family. This is not what I think should be labeled as a dependa and should be considered honorable and sacrificial. I firmly believe that when one’s sense of complacency shifts into becoming over-dependent, tolerating military life in such a way that it negatively affects or begins to rob you of your ambitions and goals or desires for your individuality is a threat of compelling one to lose touch with themselves which then stems from not taking the time to invest in oneself. These qualities place many dependent variables on others instead of oneself, which is where the word “dependa” manifested.
Part 2: Recognizing and working through emotional dependency
Emotional support is one of the best benefits of marriage because when we face hardships, these stressors allow us to first turn to our partners for help. However, emotional dependence can have its excessive point also. When you require your partner or others around you to meet all your emotional needs without taking responsibility for your own, we can also assume that you are not taking adequate measures to meet those needs on your own, placing total reliance on someone else with the expectation that someone owes you something. Let’s not skip out on opportunities to recognize this matter.
Therefore, to better assist in not allowing the risks of becoming a dependa to manifest in your life, consider this alternative viewpoint. Invest in yourself often. Investing in ourselves will give permission for us to develop. Our independence, outside of being a military spouse, keeps us from becoming a “dependa,” is to take the time to invest in the person we want to become as we grow with our partner. The most successful relationships occur when two people can form a bond that allows them to grow independently by each other’s side. Keep seeking new passions and dreams while admiring and encouraging each other’s individual pursuits. Choosing not to allow the label of being a military spouse to rob you of your ambitions and goals or desires for your individuality will develop the most underrated trait, independence. Individualism is crucial in life; if you do not experience your own love, happiness, and success, you can walk into the dangers of becoming a dependa.
