3. Talk it out
This is, perhaps, the most important point. If you’re nervous or concerned, talk with your spouse about it. If you have cold feet, it’s better to admit that to your partner than give off the impression that you’re cool and distant. If something isn’t working like it did before, be willing to bring it up in conversation and discuss it. Understand that, yes, it’s going to be a little awkward to have those conversations. However, it will be worth it in the long run. It’s doubtful that it was all smooth and fantastic when you started sleeping together the first time.
Likelihood is that those first few months full of love and romance brought about different conversations on what worked for you both (mentally and physically) when you were in bed together. Allow yourself to do this again. Try to allow yourself to be vulnerable to your partner so you can truly discuss what you’re thinking and feeling – and allow your spouse to do the same. It’s important that you create a “no judgment zone” when rebuilding your sex life so you can safely admit fears and concerns in addition to sharing fun fantasies together too.
Just like many other areas of life, sex after a homecoming is going to come with its peaks and valleys. It’s got the potential to be just as difficult to reheat things in the bedroom as it is to co-parent again. Unfortunately, it’s one of those things that people don’t often talk about.
There’s a bit of a stigma even in today’s modern society. I’ve seen countless classes sponsored by different military agencies on reintegration, parenting, and day-to-day life following a deployment, but I haven’t seen one on how to maintain a healthy sex life after homecomings (not that I could stomach sitting through a briefing by an A1C on the topic).
The truth is, though, that rebuilding a healthy sex life after a deployment is crucial for rebuilding your relationship. Make sure you self-assess frequently and watch for warning signs. Just like any other area of reintegration, don’t let it go too long ignoring the problem without asking for help. At the same time, though, don’t expect it to come too easily and set yourself up for disappointment. After all, it’s supposed to be fun. Give yourself some time to practice before you’re experts in bed after a long separation.
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