I remember that sinking feeling to this day, 12 years later and still a part of a military family during a time of war, perhaps because I don’t know that it has ever gone away. That sinking feeling that I couldn’t shake in the days following 9/11 has been creeping back into my heart and mind for the past couple of years…getting stronger by the day. My knowledge that things will never be the same for the military family is now replaced with concern that we may not realize the extent of the cost of war for some time. And by that time, will it be too late to do a single thing to effect change?
I don’t have stats to back up this feeling. I have not done a survey. I have not participated in a clinical study. It is based 100% on my interactions with you, members of the military spouse community, who continue to share your thoughts, concerns and experiences with Military Spouse on a daily basis. It comes from not only living this life personally, but sitting across the table from other spouses or service members and talking, listening and sharing with one another. It comes from reading pieces like Weary Military Spouse Confessions and nodding in agreement with every single word.
The feeling…sinking feeling is this: The cost of war will never be fully measured or recognized and causalities from it do not simply happen on the battlefield. They are not limited to those who wear a uniform. We may never really know the true reach of the damage.
Reading the story of Liz Snell, a military spouse, who has battled depression and suicidal thoughts during her husband’s military career was hard, even for me (a person used to hearing similar stories) to digest. Hearing that a Gold Star family, the Koch’s, feel isolated and alone after the loss of two of their children is heartbreaking on so many levels. I could barely finish reading the words of a military teenager sharing her recollection of the changes that had occurred in her Dad when he returned home from Iraq. Hearing from the often over-looked family member, The Sibling, was eye-opening.
That is why, as hard as it was to read, I am so appreciative of the work done by CNN on this piece. Articles like this validate what many of us have been FEELING for so long. Articles like this make huge strides in helping non-military affiliated Americans UNDERSTAND on a deeper level the true cost of war. Articles like this start a conversation that might hurt like hell…but will save lives, simply by offering up a message, “We hear you. We care. We want to help.”
Military Spouse covers a lot of different topics. From the simple and silly content, to the controversial…from resources and information, to entertainment…from uplifting and positive, to real and honest. Military Spouse recognizes that not one military spouse or family member will ever feel the same way as another, so they try and offer something for everyone. Lately, they have been tackling some tough issues. Military Spouse has heard from many of you who are grateful for the conversation and heard from many of you who are concerned that we are focusing on the negative.
But here is the thing: Military life can have tremendous blessings and there are many things to be grateful for. That does not mean that we can ignore the many, many spouses and family members who are hurting, struggling…trying to put on a brave face, and sometimes feeling completely alone and helpless. Tips about PCSing, advice about how to get a job when you move all of the time, or uplifting stories of spouses thriving are all so important. But equally as important is acknowledging the things that make us uncomfortable, make us cry, or even make us angry.
Let’s continue these tough conversations. Let us heal, together. So that we can focus on those blessings once again.
