We were first stationed in San Diego, California. Although I hadn’t lived there in years, I was originally from California and attended college in San Diego so the familiarity of the state and having family a couple hours away provided comfort. Yet, it was still tough. My husband was on sea duty. So that meant more than one 7 – 9 month West PAC deployment and many shorter deployments in the course of three years. It was a lot. Savannah, or Savvie, as we affectionately call her, was pretty much raised by one parent during her first three formative years of life.
Fortunately, the military community is family-focused and Savvie and I were able to take advantage of many of the resources available. For instance, the ship in which my husband was assigned, the USS Boxer, had a FRG or Family Readiness Group in which there were regularly held meetings for the spouses to get together and be briefed on the status of the ship’s movement, planned activities, and opportunities for the civilian spouses and children to fellowship and converse.
We also had access to an Armed Services YMCA in San Diego whose constituency group was only military families. Their mission statement is compelling: The Armed Services YMCA San Diego enhances the lives of service members and their families in mind, body, and spirit through programs and services that are relevant to the unique challenges of military life. Through the Armed Services YMCA, our family was able to benefit from Operation Kid Comfort, a program where volunteers at the Armed Services YMCA create custom-made photo transfer quilts and pillows. My daughter received a personally handcrafted quilt with pictures of her and her dad on it to help cope with the emotional stress of her father’s deployment. Activities such as having a quilt made, being a part of the USS Boxer FRG, and taking advantage of the military sponsored video tele-conferencing sessions all helped to give us hope and keep our family together when we were physically separated. We made it through the painful deployment experience.
I am so relieved we found the strength as a family unit to make it through this time of distress. I was concerned for my husband, especially. I remember the months before his first deployment – he was very concerned about our daughter forgetting him while he was away. That really touched and concerned me. It actually prompted me to do something pretty uncommon. I wrote a book to provide him comfort. The name of the book is “Savvie Sunshine, Will You Remember Daddy, When I AM Out to Sea?; A Salute to All Navy Dads.” I felt the book was very unique in that it directly addressed the man in the deployment situation. The book is important because in our society, men are often socialized to hide their feelings or withdraw. Fortunately, my husband trusted me enough to share his vulnerable feelings and articulate the fact that he was concerned about leaving his family, especially his infant daughter. So in order to let him know that we would stay together even though we were physically apart, and give him hope of his family effectively surviving this extended separation, I wrote this book in his honor. It focused on how mom and child would help relieve dad’s nervousness from having to depart from his family.
Many of the activities discussed in the book are what I have described above. I made sure my daughter and I made consistent contact with my husband through video, e-mail, or letter. We mailed him care packages and constantly let him know that he was loved, valued, and appreciated. Those months of being a part were difficult, however, we maintained hope that we would someday reunite and you know what–we did. The life of a military family has a unique set of difficulties in addition to the typical civilian ones, but though hope, family togetherness, and mutual respect and understanding between all parties, you can make it through the challenges.
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